It has come to my attention that this fall, Erika Christensen and Hallmark will be releasing a monstrosity of a made-for-television movie entitled My Boyfriends' Dogs.

The movie is apparently based on the novel My Boyfriends' Dogs by Dandi Daley Mackall which inexplicably has 4.5 stars on Amazon. A press release reveals that the plot is as follows. I have bolded all possibly offensive content:

Dogs are loyal. Dogs are loving. Dogs are unconditional. Dogs will never abandon you. The same isn't true of boyfriends, of course, a lesson that one woman yearning for a stable relationship learns the hard way in "My Boyfriends' Dogs," a doggedly charming Hallmark Channel Original Movie World Premiere Saturday, October 18 (9 p.m. ET/PT, 8C). Based on the popular novel of the same name by writer Dandi Daley Mackall, the film stars the gorgeous and multi-talented Erika Christensen of "Parenthood" fame as Bailey Daley, a young woman who has been unlucky in love lately on a grand scale. In fact, as we meet her, she's running into a diner on a rainy night in a soaked wedding dress with three dogs at her feet. It's not your typical entrance. But then, Bailey's tale of romantic woe isn't one that you hear every day, either. She starts to relate it to the diner's owners Nikki (Joyce DeWitt of "Three's Company") and Louie (Michael Kopsa from "Fringe"). Her biggest problem besides choosing the wrong guys, Bailey maintains, is that she consistently tries to transform herself into the perfect fit for each new man rather than just being herself — a personality trait that frustrates Bailey's well-meaning mom, Dina (Teryl Rothery, "Cedar Cove"). There was the jock Wade (Jesse Hutch of "Cedar Cove"), moody playwright Jonathan (Oliver Rice, "On Hollowtree Farm") and money man Eric (Jeremy Guilbaut, "The L.A. Complex"). And every time the relationship goes south, warmhearted Bailey adopts the dog from each of the exes and she's left longing for someone who is more like the pooches. But on this fateful stormy evening, fate may intervene to make it a magical night. Because puppy love can happen when you least expect it.

BECAUSE PUPPY LOVE CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. (The trailer does not look much better than this description of the film. In fact, it looks worse in a different way.)

We've been over this already . Dogs have no place in the quest for true love, puppy or otherwise.

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Image via Hallmark