Epic Calvin Klein Story Contains Secret To All Fashion, And Maybe Life

Illustration for article titled Epic Calvin Klein Story Contains Secret To All Fashion, And Maybe Life

Back in 2003, Calvin Klein went to a Knicks game so high he thought it would be a cool idea to get up and start chatting up the players. The only problem was, of course, that he was high, so he couldn't really walk, and then the other problem was that basketball players don't know what the fuck Calvin Klein looks like, so they got kind of scared. "I wasn't nervous, but I was surprised. I was like, Is security going to come over here at some point or what?" remembers Latrell Sprewell. Hey, Latrell Sprewell, the guy who choked his coach! Freaked out by little old Calvin Klein. Anyway, thus begins an epically epic Ingrid Sischy story in the latest Vanity Fair on the career and life of Calvin Klein that spends paragraph after paragraph going on & on about how he selected fabrics, dropping names no one cares about (Melanie Ward, Grace Coddington, whatevs) using the term Zeitgeist approx. 78 times and leaving all the good drug abuse shit to such lines as "he also walked away with a taste of more than H20" and "no doubt Klein had more than Perrier in his system." But!


Even an epically boring blowjob dedicated to something as boring as a guy who is just like Ralph Lauren only not as short/weird has its moments of truth:

Calvin...remembers lots of conversations about the costs of things, a subject which interested him even then. "I would se grapefruits in the fruit and vegetable department, and some of them were 29 cents a pound and others were 49 cents.' I'd ask, 'What's the difference between the two?' My father said, 'Some people like to pay 29 cents a pound and some like to pay 49 cents.' I thought, Hmmmm. I learned later that's the fashion business to a great deal.'"

Hmmmmm, I was worried that maybe the fact that I was sick of fashion meant that I was sick of life, but now I realize that I am only sick of life because it's all just a drawn-out exercise in price-sensitivity analysis? Sounds about right! Anyway, here are some fun vintage "banned" CK ads to watch in the meantime. I don't think they have anything to do with fashion but they do remind me of a the days when Pulp played on the radio and there was no internet.

Related: Banned 1995 Calvin Klein Child Porny Type Ads [YouTube]


westward ho

@Skinny Bone Jones: i used to sing along to it (on cassette!) while driving with my brand-new license in my parents' old taurus. i'd crank it up SO LOUD and totally feel cleansed and awesome after that.

also, those ads are even creepier than i remember. "that's a nice mosh." the kid's like 14!!! BARF.