Elle's Beauty Genius Awards are...well, I was going to call them the MacArthur "Genius" Fellowships of beauty, but look here โ€” the magazine actually just went ahead and called them the "Nobel Prizes" of Beauty, which pretty much takes the wind out of my faux-hubristic sails. Anyway! It's an invaluable spread filled with the collected wisdom of 25 hairstylists, makeup artists, colorists, dermatologists, cosmetic dentists representing the "brightest stars" in the business of Making You Beautiful, and I am here because I wanted to share with you the explanation of Facialist and "former chemist" Mady Shany, healer of Hollywood's A-Listiest acne problems, as to why you should switch up your skin care products every three or four months. "Bacteria figures out what you are using to kill it and becomes immune to ingredients." Wait, really? So...these breakouts...they're like a mild superbug?? Is the advent of Purel and hormone-treated beef making our skin stay uglier later?

Could this somehow explain why people in countries with more isolated food systems have such great skin?? (Not that I know, I'm just speculating. Uhhhh, hm.) The thing is, most acne fighting products aren't really going after bacteria at all. It seems like the point of most of them is to dry out the face and/or heal inflammation. I don't know, of course; I am no genius. But, you know, it sort of just occurred to me; for presenting us with so goddamn many words per month on skin care, these magazines have not taught us, like, anything about our skin. Do you think they figure that "remember to invest in a whole new regimen every three months or so" is all we need to know?