You know what? I've never watched The View.* So right up until a few minutes ago, I was as ignorant and uninformed as Elisabeth Hasselbeck about why I should hate Elisabeth Hasselbeck. So as you can imagine, reading this profile of her in today's New York Post made me sort of like a skeptical-yet-clueless 11-year-old who's just gotten ahold of Noam Chomsky. As in, so filled with righteous outrage I almost missed the part where the conservative redeems herself with the kind of unabashed stupidity so rampant and shameful it's like a message from God:
At a recent taping, an audience member asked Hasselbeck if she was still close with [Survivor castmate Rodger] Bingham; she said yes, but it was hard, given that he's a farmer and is up early in the fields.
"He's not a farmer!" [Survivor castmate Jeff] Varner says, laughing. "He works for the Department of Agriculture in Kentucky."
So is she evil? Awesome? You decide, after the ump.
She is an evildoer
Indeed, Hasselbeck has argued on-air that adulterers can't be good parents, that the morning-after pill is tantamount to abortion, and that, "especially in a time of war" (one of her favorite phrases), torture is necessary. She has brushed off U.S. casualties of the Iraq war as "unfortunate," while noting the U.S. has an all-volunteer Army.
She is awesome
She has used the nonexistent word "desperacy" more than once.
Hasselbeck herself didn't become politicized until a few years ago: "You know when we were in Australia for 'Survivor,' we had, I was supposed to fill out my absentee ballot. For the election. That was the controversial Gore/Bush, the whole Florida fiasco. Um, and I . . . I didn't. I was, like, too busy. And I think it was Nick Brown who was out there with me, said, you know, 'You didn't fill out your absentee ballot? Like, how do you not fill out your absentee ballot?' And then I realized what I had missed out on. So I really started a, an investigation, like why I was such an idiot as to not fill that out and partake in something that, you know, the women in Iraq just got a chance to do for the first time. You know, why? Why wouldn't I take advantage of a right that's granted to me? That wasn't always there? And I kind of recommitted to, um, reading as much as I could and learning as much as I could about, um, politics."
Which is why:
She says it took her a few years to build what she calls "a library of Web sites." What does she read every day? "Um . . . I think anyone in my - obviously now for news, if you need something flashy, some celebrity or social news - it's TMZ. You go there first. Ummm . . . you know, I like National Review online, um, I'll go to townhall.com, media research center - for pointed issues, you know? And not only those, because I love the New York Times, Sunday Styles, you know I love the opinion sections, because it's a lot, a lot of the time things I'm not in full support of, want to get perspective on, or just want to hear - I just want to make sure I'm fresh on both sides of the issue."
Seriously, just read the story.
*I know, I know, but it's kind of girly and, duh, I'm sort of the "does she have a Y chromosome hidden in there somewhere or something" category of women which is why I get called "Moe" while real ladies like the writer of this piece go by "Maureen".
The Survivor [New York Post]