Born-into-stupidly-rich-and-famous-circumstances Jaden Smith, 15-year-old student at the Scientology-based New Village Leadership Academy (founded by Will and Jada) and part-time Teen Philosopher, is all, “We Don’t Need No Education.”
That’s some Lord of The Flies shit, except Jaden clearly gets to have the “talking” conch shell the whole time. WAIT, AND FURTHERMORE.
Welcome to Earf. [Radar Online]
Where were you when Liam Hemsworth unfollowed Miley Cyrus on Twitter?! I blurted it out while at home with my family — with genuine feeling! — and my mom looked at me like she wanted to perform a post-natal abortion. Anyway, rumor is the wedding’s off.
“They’ve split for now,” the insider told RadarOnline.com. “Miley and Liam have a very tumultuous relationship and both are exhausted. It’s a complicated relationship. The wedding is on hold, for now. It’s not cancelled but it doesn’t look promising.”
Maybe it’s time to… bury the ratchet. ZING. [Radar Online]
The best submission to the FCC regarding Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance: “She is shown what she is acting like a devil flicking that tongue as deamons [sic] do.”
Katy Perry spoke earnestly to Elle about transcendental meditation and sort of sounded like Jackie Q from Get Him To The Greek. She also commented on how Rihanna always looks so fresh and so clean clean:
“I think that Rihanna always looks so fresh and I’m like, ‘How do you do that? We all know how much pot you smoke! And you don’t sleep because you’re on Instagram at four o’clock in the morning!” [Gossip Cop]
- Cecily Strong will be joining Seth Meyers on SNL’s “Weekend Update.” [E!]
- Patrick Wilson defended Katherine Heigl against last week’s onslaught: “She showed up, worked her tail off, super funny, super gracious, great to the cast, great to the crew, and was a total pro.” [Us Weekly]
- Britney Spears released a “higher-quality” version of her single “Work Bitch” after it leaked. (Higher quality = relative.) (What is that British accent?) [ExtraTV.com]
- Anthony Bourdain has been supporting Nigella Lawson during her split with abusive estranged husband Charles Saatchi. [Page Six]
- Kim Kardashian got an outside publicist to separate herself from the Kardashiklan. [Page Six]
- Mariska Hargitay teared up watching herself get beaten and tortured by a rapist on the Law & Order: SVU season premiere. [Page Six]
- The disappeared colony of Roanoke is in Chrissy Teigen’s biggest wedding gown (one of three). [People]
- Celine Dion is still the undisputed queen of Vegas — sorry, Britney. [TMZ]
- The reason DMX went streaking in a hotel room hallway last week was to show off his “big-ass dick.” Oh oh, okay. [TMZ]
- Project X’s Nick Nervies was arrested for domestic violence. [TMZ]
- Beyonce sang at the afterparty for Lebron James’ wedding. [TMZ]
- The Today Show is “hazing” Carson Daly, as deamons do. [Us Weekly]
- Chloe Moretz says that a hoax about her “death” was disgusting and sick. [Gossip Cop]
- Nina Dalvavuri, the Miss America contestant who may have called the outgoing queen “fat as fuck,” is our new Miss America. [People]
- Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux hung on each other at a movie premiere. [NYDN]
- The lawsuit between Lady Gaga and her former assistant Jennifer O’Neill rages on. Yeesh. [Radar Online]
- Katie Holmes wrote “I love you! <3 Mom" on Suri’s cast. [Us Weekly]
- Harry, Wills and Pippa went to a wedding without Kate. [Us Weekly]