Dumb Survey Says Your Name Predicts How Much of a Gold Digger You Are

I love the surveys that make it to the top of the Daily Mail. They’re personally relevant enough to read and outrageous and trivial enough to be totally entertaining. The latest survey that they cover does not disappoint. According to data pulled by something called DirtSearch.org, a background/criminal check/stalking website, the names of women most likely to be gold diggers or simply matched with petty crimes were unsurprisingly incredibly common names. Still, looks pretty suspicious. The list is as follows:

Jennifer
Jessica
Michelle
Lisa
Ashley
Amanda
Melissa
Stephanie
Nicole
Angela

There was no indication that spelling was a factor, but I’ll say it right now, I would put my very life in the hands of a Liza before even thinking of asking a Lisa to watch my seat while I run to the bathroom at a coffeeshop.

The article then cautions people to look out for certain behaviors when hanging out with women who have these names:

‘Look out for a sense of entitlement and check whether they have trouble paying their bills…Gold diggers drop hints that they may be evicted or their car might be repossessed when instead they are buying $400 shoes and watches.’ Other warning signs, say the brains behind the site, include being more than 15 years younger, never paying for anything and having a penchant for expensive things.

That’s some real insight right there. I sincerely feel for people who have unknowingly dropped exorbitant amounts of money for what they thought was love, but I don’t think a first name is a great judge of character. There was, however, one legitimately interesting factoid from this survey: of the 50 states, Arizona had the highest number of people getting background checks of some sort on their new partners. Now that makes a bit of sense.