Dumb Groom Calls in Bomb Threat After Forgetting to Book Wedding Venue

Everyone, I know that 99% of what I say is nonsense, but listen: If you ever find yourself in a position where you are minutes away from getting married and you realize that you’ve forgotten to book the venue, please — PLEASE — do not call in a bomb threat in order to distract your spouse-to-be from your epic fuck-up. This can only make things worse.

Just ask Neil McArdle, the Liverpool groom who is now facing prison time for doing exactly that.

McArdle and his fiancée Amy Williams were meant to wed at the Liverpool Register Office in St George’s Hall last Spring only McArdle forgot to fill out the necessary paperwork. It’s a stupid mistake, sure, but it would also be forgivable if it wasn’t for what came next. Rather than fess up, the groom went to a pay phone around the corner, phoned St. George’s and told them to evacuate the building because a bomb was going to go off in 45 minutes. (This was obviously a lie.)

Jesus Christ, dude.

This next sentence — from the Daily Mail — actually hurts my heart:

McArdle, who is unemployed, stood by as Miss Williams, 29, turned up at historic St George’s Hall, Liverpool, in her wedding dress, only to find it had been evacuated and was swarming with police.

Unfortunately, things did not go according to McArdle’s very well thought-out plan. He was caught and arrested almost immediately and last week it emerged that he will likely serve time for his idiotic hoax.

The good news? He’s still with the bride (though they have not gotten married):

“I’m still together with Amy, but she’s got high blood pressure and wants nothing to do with [the hoopla surrounding the incident].”