Drake's Still Mourning, and Outing, the Women Who Never Loved Him

Drake dropped three songs about chicks this weekend, because what else does he rap about? Wines he thinks we’ve never heard of, his “team” and women who don’t give him the attention he deserves. Ugh, it’s so hard being one of the biggest rappers in the world.

In this week’s edition of Practical Dating Advice for Drake, let’s parse the young Canadian’s relationship raps in "6 God," "How Bout Now" and "Heat of the Moment." The latter is my least favorite from the Views From The 6 album studio sessions, listen and you'll probably agree.

On "6 God," Drake raps that he has “one girl and she's my girl and nobody else could hit it.” Didn’t we talk about non-consensual monogamy last week, Aubrey? It’s absolutely fine to be out here, just make sure all parties involved know that you’re also out here. It’s like an Ebola diagnosis: we gotta know where you’ve been dude. Not to mention, how are you out here with some chick waiting on you at (most likely at her) home? Nah, fam.

“How Bout Now” leaked earlier this month but Aubrey "I throw hundreds when I'm upset" Graham threw it in with the other two jams to beat the hackers. On the track, he gripes about a girl he drove to her bar exam but she never thanked him, gave him play and requested Ludacris when he tried to play her early Comeback Season tracks. Burn. Law students are so ungrateful, right? I mean, even her dad ignored the presents Drake bought for him when his bank account was low! Who does that? Ultimately, Drake shames the nameless law student for withholding all of the attention he felt he deserved before "Best I Ever Had." Hey, not everyone recognizes greatness when it’s on its way up.

On “Heat of the Moment,” Aubrey croons about only knowing “conditional love” and how he’s “not used to settling down.” Pimping, it is difficult. Another line is “You don’t know how good it is to be you because you’re him.” LOL. What? Oh, Aubrey. See, the MC has no idea what kind of person he’ll be at the end of his rocket-fueled career — a bachelor, a suburban dad with kids and a soccer van, a loner who doesn’t talk to anyone except his cats? Drake seems like a cat person. Also, the old-man outro rant—is that you, Mr. Graham? — talking about the dangers of loose women after the first track with Drake boasting his sexual prowess. “Young girls are hot … they will fuck anybody, any time, any way because they are so hot…. this shit has to stop. These people need to educate themselves … and use a condom.” How about Drake should use a condom, and he’s probably happy to find women who are interested in the same fleeting relationals he’s into? Respectability politics strike again.

Today’s lesson for Aubrey: kissing and telling (read: lyrically whining) on a record is hella tacky dude. If you aren’t feeling enough love, walk away, but detailing how a woman you dated before you were Drake dissed you is lame. Also, you’re three albums in (six, if we count those early mixtapes), yet you are reaching Jay Z levels of whining about the love you don’t receive—while sitting atop mountains of praise. Find a new movement, Drake. Isn't Toronto known for its diversity?

Image via Getty.