On Saturday, some of the Jezebels went to brainstorm over S'mores at a coffee/sandwich shop, when, who should appear but Dr. Ruth. She shuffled by our table, all 50 inches of her — seriously, girlfriend is short! — and Anna was the first one to spot her. I was like, "Guys, I have to get my picture with her!" Anna said, "Yeah, and ask her about what she thinks about guys asking to come on your face on the first date." I convinced Dodai to walk over to Dr. Ruth to take our picture on my phone; she was sitting alone, reading a book. (You can't tell from this shot, but her glasses were lined in pink rhinestones. Cuteness!) She was really gracious — all smiles — and allowed me to pose for a picture with her. Then she turned back to her book, so I said, "I'm sorry, can I just ask you one question?" She smiled and said, "Yes, but make it quick." Ha! I briefly considered the cum-on-the-face thing, but thought, "Oh I can't. She's about to eat!" For some reason, I felt that period sex was a more appropriate mealtime topic for conversation.
I don't really remember how I exactly put it, but I mumbled (so as not to alert the other diners what a sicko I am) something about the pros and cons of period sex. 'Cause I don't know about anyone else, but I get crazy horny on my period. Not like the first two days when I'm like all diarrhea and cramping and it's super heavy, but like around day three or four. It can be difficult to talk guys into fucking you then, especially if you don't know them that well. Some dudes just get freaked by it, and don't recognize it for what it is — extra lube.
Anyway, whatever I said didn't faze Dr. Ruth at all. Without missing a beat, she said, "Just use a diaphragm to make it less messy." She cupped her hands up to illustrate, "It will catch it and keep it up there." Then she smiled, looked back down at her book and literally shooed us away with her hands. Best. Dismissal. Ever.
I had my period that day, and had plans to hang out with this dude later that night. We'd made out a few days before, but that was it. No feeling up or anything. But it was obvious that we were gonna bang, 'cause, you know, that's how I do. In the middle of fooling around, I jumped up to pull out my tampon, because I was scared I would come with it in and I have a weird phobia about that. We ended up having sex, but unfortunately, I don't have a diaphragm (even though I love the idea of one, it's so retro-feminist, single gal) so my sheets ended up paying the price for my good time. But I'm seriously thinking about taking Dr. Ruth up on her advice, and getting fitted for a diaphragm, so I don't have to deal with stain-sticking uterine lining from my linens.