Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other

The history of cinema includes plenty of actors who hated each other off-screen, but somehow managed to have amazing chemistry on film (see Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes, and Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling for examples). Fifty Shades of Grey‘s Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson will not be joining this storied tradition.

Whether or not Dornan and Johnson hate each other is debatable, but based on their constant “get the fuck away from me” posture while in each other’s company, it really appears like they do. What is one hundred percent sure, however, is that their on-screen chemistry is equal to the chemistry of a couple of unboiled hot dogs. Without the unboiled hot dogs’ inherent sexiness.

Here is the evidence:

Exhibit A.

They hate each other.

Exhibit B.

Nothing but hatred.

Exhibit C.

Nothing says “sexy fun” quite like standing as far away from each other as possible while still holding hands.

Exhibit D.

Pretty sure they were just photoshopped together in this one.

Exhibit E.

Actually, this one’s kind of cute.

(Correction: That is Gillian Anderson, not Dakota Johnson.)

Exhibit F.

“I will be fine if I never have to look at you.”

Exhibit G.

Jamie Dornan: “Okay, well, goodnight.”

Dakota Johnson: “Goodnight.”

Jamie Dornan: Leans in for kiss.

Dakota Johnson: Leans away from kiss.

Jamie Dornan: “Okay, well, bye.”

Dakota Johnson: “Yeah, bye.”

Exhibit H.

Hates himself.

Exhibit I.

Hate each other.

Exhibit J.

Hates him.

Exhibit K.

Again: All photoshop, the two have never even been in the same room.

Exhibit L.

Very natural.

Exhibit M.

Dying is an art.

Like everything else,

I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.

I do it so it feels real.

I guess you could say I have a call.

Really looking forward to watching these human bread loaves simulate sex on February 13th! See you at the movies!