Don't Perambulate If You Inebriate (A Cautionary Tale)

Illustration for article titled Dont Perambulate If You Inebriate (A Cautionary Tale)

In a service-y post at Tara Parker-Pope's New York Times blog, she notes that New Years Day (the early part) is the most fatal day of the year for pedestrians, many of whom are drunk.

In fact, regardless of the day, the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety reports that 54 percent of all pedestrians killed in car accidents at night had elevated blood alcohol levels. And, all it takes is one inattentive driver and one swerve-y pedestrian to do this.

My cautionary tale takes place the day before Christmas break began in my senior year in college. Upon discovering that — for the holidays, natch — my boyfriend had treated himself to a blowjob from someone else, I decided to get my entire day's caloric intake strictly from alcohol. By midnight, I had cycled through rum, White Zinfandel, tequila and made my way back to rum by the time I somberly told the older gentlemen hitting on me that all men were assholes. Then I threw up on them. The designated driver whose job is was to get me home (who wanted me the fuck out of her car) dropped me at the 7-11 that lay across 4 lanes of traffic from my apartment. I could barely squint enough to tell that each car was actually not equipped with 4 headlights each, and I could definitely not judge distance or speed. Horns were blown, tires screeched, and it turns out that at least one of those cars was closer than it appeared. That I didn't die 10 feet from my apartment door that night was a matter of sheer luck (thought it didn't feel that way the next morning) and a driver with quick reflexes. Those aren't things that you should count on, so tonight, get yourself the kind of friend who stays just sober enough to drag your drunken ass up again (pictured here) or loves you enough to make the U-turn.


Walking While Intoxicated [New York Times]

Earlier: Clark Gable's Granddaughter Kayley Doesn't Give A Damn

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Mama Penguino

Okay, I have to share the exception to the rule. My sister is this tall pretty blonde with so much attitude it kills me. When she was a freshman in college, she walked back to her dorm drunk and a car with three men in it stopped by her, one guy pulled out a gun and told her to get in the car. She was at a dark crosswalk and they were blocking her path. She looked at the guy, said "Fuck off" loudly, and walked around the car and kept going, never looking back. Obviously, I don't recommend this, but I love this story about my sister! (Who no longer drinks, btw.)