Image via Paramount.
Image via Paramount.

It’s almost the 20th anniversary of Titanic. Don’t let that info make you feel old. You’re not old; you’re mature enough to sit through the entire film, for three hours and 15 minutes, without peeing your pants when it is re-released in theaters on December first.

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According to The Hollywood Reporter, your adult self will get to revisit the passionate exuberance of Jack and Rose’s romance in select AMC theaters while sipping a large soda, confident in your bladder control. Some of us were kids when we first saw this movie. Some of us struggled with the movie’s length and constant swirling images of water, pouring, dripping and waving around on a full screen. This re-release both honors the history of this iconic film while offering a chance at redemption. You can hold it.

But can you? Titanic has been mastered in some new Dolby technology. It’s being screened in both 2D and 3D. Perhaps the ocean is even more life-like, the sound of splashing even more acutely reminiscent of a toilet’s flush:

“We mastered a few minutes of Titanic in Dolby Vision and I was stunned. It was like seeing it for the first time. Now that the entire film as been mastered, I’m excited to share it with audiences across the U.S.,” Cameron said in a statement. “This is beyond 3D, beyond 70mm, it’s beyond anything you’ve ever seen before.”

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Dolby, my nemesis! Curse you to the depths of of a watery hell. But you will not conquer me. I will go and see Titanic in theaters every night of its one-week run, and I will triumph (take bathroom breaks at regular intervals).

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin

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DISCUSSION

Do people still like...like this movie? I mean, I was in college when it came out, so that probably put me at close to peak levels of cynicism. Maybe that’s why the thing’s never had a grip on me. But for the amount that people still talk about the thing, it’s as though this movie is as formative a moment in your lives as the Star Wars trilogy was for people born before 1980. Not judging. It’s just a weird thing.