Donald Trump Threatens to Sue 'Liar' and 'Totally Unstable Individual' Ted Cruz

Illustration for article titled Donald Trump Threatens to Sue 'Liar' and 'Totally Unstable Individual' Ted Cruz

Spongebob impersonator and dignified orator Donald Trump is holding a freewheeling press conference in South Carolina right now to yell about everyone, but chiefly Ted Cruz. He also released a statement threatening to sue Cruz for saying mean things about him.


Trump is, as best we can tell, mad at Cruz for this statement, delivered to ABC this weekend: “And if Donald Trump becomes president, the Second Amendment will be written out of the Constitution, because it is abundantly clear that Donald Trump is not a conservative.”

Trump responded with a press release that makes it very clear he writes his own press releases, threatening Cruz with hellfire and damnation and lawsuits on unclear grounds. It begins:

Ted Cruz is a totally unstable individual. He is the single biggest liar I’ve ever come across, in politics or otherwise, and I have seen some of the best of them. His statements are totally untrue and completely outrageous. It is hard to believe a person who proclaims to be a Christian could be so dishonest and lie so much.

Cruz said I would be appointing a liberal judge when in fact I will appoint a great conservative and I am the only candidate who has gone so far, at the debate, as to suggest two individuals I feel would best represent the conservative values we need to protect: William “Bill” Pryor Jr. and Diane Sykes.

Cruz says I am pro-choice, when in fact I am staunchly pro-life and have been for a long time. Like Ronald Reagan, on many issues, I have evolved.

The press conference—which I keep thinking is going to end and just keeps going and going—is Trump, standing alone at a podium, expressing a similar set of ideas.

“We will bring a lawsuit if he doesn’t straighten his act out,” Trump told the assembled reporters. “He’s a lying guy. He’s a really lying guy.”

To quickly speak for all of America, if we may: we can’t wait till this is the man with access to our nuclear launch codes.

Here’s a livestream of the press conference, which could very well continue on all day, God knows.

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Screenshot via YouTube/Make America Great Again TV



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