Doesn't Anyone Write Like A Fucking Chick Anymore?

Illustration for article titled Doesnt Anyone Write Like A Fucking Chick Anymore?

Gals. I gotta tell you about something. It's this new internet algorithm thingy, and it's taking over my life. You know how we're interested in the ways men and women write differently? Well this thing called the Gender Guesser, is supposed to guess the gender of someone based on a passage he/she has written. It's not 100% accurate — "men should not be offended if it says you write like a girl," they're quick to state — but I'll tell ya, it's 100% maddening. I've been plugging every fucking piece of writing I can think of. But it's like: no matter what we write, it comes back freaking male. That Charlotte Allen essay on how women are stupid: 64.77% MALE. Katha Pollitt's rebuttal: 64.06% MALE. A Modern Love column penned a few years ago by Jezebel editor Jessica Grose about crying on the subway: 57.96% MALE. The girliest thing I could fucking find was the first page of motherfucking Ulysses, which was 56.51% male. Motherfucking Ulysses?! What girl likes that book? Doesn't anyone write like a girl anymore?

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Hahahaha, I found something. It was a crap email I received recently from a particularly exasperating dude. 44.44% FEMALE. Just for fun, I tested the exasperated email I sent him back: 81.16% MALE. Pyhrric victory if there ever motherfucking was one, but still.

Gender Guesser

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DISCUSSION

Any emails I put in came out female... (I thought it funny that emails FROM male friends were more female than my emails TO them)

Any papers I had written for school came out male... (The abstract for the last paper I wrote was 100%! male, informal)

So, any smart, organized piece is male?