Oh no! Barbra Streisand is endorsing Hillary. It's a DEM DIVA BATTLE. Do you care? Do gays even care? What's up with the missing "a" in her name anyway? Oh and also, Chelsea Clinton doesn't like a bitch at a restaurant! But someone gets fired anyway. It's like that Travel Office scandal! Minus the not being a bitch part I guess. And speaking of nineties nostalgia, Newt Gingrich predicts a win for Obama. A win in Iowa, anyway. Does that matter? Does anything? After the jump as usual guys. Oh yeah, and this poster available at Allposters.com for all of $19.99 and no voter loyalty whatsoever!
MOE: Okay, so I have three words for you this morning. TAKE. BABS. KTHKSBAI. Am I right?
MEGAN:: Take her? I don't want her! She's a New Yorker! Y'all can keep her!
MOE: God, am I a NEW YORKER??? I guess that's why all my local media is acting like I could give a shit about who a whiny ex-Broadway Vegas gay icon the gays got sick of last century who MAYBE SHOULD HAVE CONSIDERED RHINOPLASTY. Ok, kidding on that last part. But isn't that cloying itchy somethingness of her voice just the sound of a deviated septum? Ugh. Anyway. So what else... the Israelis and the Palestinians are talking somewhere? Like Annapolis, or is that something else?
MEGAN:: Yeah, the came, the talked, they're totally going to have a peace treaty by the end of next year and conflict will end in the Middle East and lambs will lay down with lions and monkeys will fly out of my butt.
But it'll be Bush's legacy, y'all. Like every other president for like the last 30 years or something who gets them to agree to talk after which nothing changes
MOE: Not if Michelle Obama has anything to do with it! Okay, I gotta ask, do you know anything about Barbra Streisant? Specifically, why she spells her name that way? I remember really loving Funny Girl as a kid, but I really loved anything on Nick at Nite, and Patty Duke and Donna Reed aren't flying around touring Vegas acting like people should listen to who she thinks they should vote for in the next election. Now, this could be because Patty Duke and/or Donna Reed are dead. I do not know. Are they dead? Either way.
Also, Newt Gingrich is predicting an Obama win in the Iowa caucus.
MEGAN:: Patty Duke isn't dead because she comes to DC to lobby for stuff and she's Sean Astin's mother. Donna Reed is, though.
But, no, other than the weird name and the apparent obsession with manicures and the fact that she's lib-lib-liberal, I know nothing about Babs.
Also, what the fuck is up with every formerly important Republican figure weighing in on Obama and Hillary? Did I miss something?
MOE: I know, it's almost like, you keep this shit up guys, and no one is going to believe you have any heartfelt beliefs at all!
It's all one big poker game!
MEGAN:: It's definitely all a big game to certain people.
MOE: By "certain," do you mean "virtually all who are still in it"?
Anyway, who's worse, Gingrich or Rove?
MEGAN:: Oooh, hard question. Define worse, I guess.
MOE: Isn't Gingrich sort of refashioning himself as a "compassative environmentalist" these days? I actually read that in ELLE.
MEGAN:: Like, Rove didn't tell his cancer-ridden wife after surgery that he was leaving her for his much younger staffer, so he might possibly be the better human being, only he's, you know, Karl Rove, master of Evil.
MOE: But that "Republican Revolution" of 1994...that was the worst revolution since...the Cultural one!
Oh man, now i can't get out of my head the episode of 30 Rock, I think it's the pilot, where Tracy Morgan calls him "Karl Robe." I mean, I have seen that shit ninety times, and I laugh every time, and I have no idea why it's so funny every time. It just is.
MEGAN:: Because it's sorta like saying his name with a big head cold?
MOE: Wait, actually, I think that is why it's funny. Huh! Can't wait till the strike's over, right? We could use some writers.