Digital Breakups Suck Only As Much As IRL Breakups Suck

Illustration for article titled Digital Breakups Suck Only As Much As IRL Breakups Suck

I once received a breakup Facebook message—more of a cease-and-desist, really—so diplomatic that it was used afterwards by more than one of my friends to break up with the person they were dating. (I've largely forgotten its contents, other than the phrase "vis-a-vis me").


It may be time to think twice about whether electronic rejection really is worse than yell-talking the breakup over at a loud restaurant until one or both of you are silently staring into your guacamole and considering whether you should plunge your face into it, Se7en style, and die. And, shit, you can't even leave because here come your huevos rancheros. (Unless you prefer electronic noms, as pictured above.)

After being dumped via email by a guy she dated for two months, Washington Post columnist Lisa Bonos began investigating the etiquette behind using the Interwebs and texting to end relationships, 23% of which now boast an online-assisted beginning.

A woman that Bonos spoke to received a breakup email from her ex that was eloquent and kind—and noted that he chose e-mail as his method because he was better at expressing himself in writing. She went on to pass it along as a template to her friends. Another woman expressed gratitude at the brevity of a breakup email, rather than a long, drawn-out scenario. The author of a book called Dump 'Em: How To Break Up With Anyone From Your Best Friend To Your Hairdresser, one Jodyne Speyer, added that if one person in the relationship is more overpowering than the other in person, email might be a good way to ensure that both parties are able to their piece without intimidation. Interestingly, the article is absent of male opinions on the break-up email.

'The art of the digital breakup' [Washington Post]

Image via Andre van der Veen/Shutterstock


The Real Janelle

This fucking guy who took me out on a date, dazzled me and promptly disappeared, sent me such a cease-and-desist letter via Facebook the other day. He said, I've nothing against you but I've just started this super big project and when I work, I mean it. I don't get in touch with anybody except my family and coworkers and it's just gonna get worse. So let's end it here.

It was all nice and dandy until I noticed he fucking BLOCKED me.

I tend to be better at writing than I am at talking, but I prefer things being told to my face. I did call him before this letter and he never picked up.

Dumbass, I really liked him too.