Did Derek Jeter Gave Poor Jessica Alba Herpes?

Illustration for article titled Did Derek Jeter Gave Poor Jessica Alba Herpes?

So rumor has it that Jessica Alba is chasing the Valtrex dragon and that it was that damn Yankee Derek Jeter who gave it to her.

Our source who worked for one of their camps, had to refill her Valtrex prescription for her on a regular basis! Guess who she got it from...that's right...dirty Derek Jeter.

Advertisement

Immediately, our brains began tallying all the ladies with bold-face names we know with whom serial-dater Jeter has gotten to home base. Luckily, so did gossip site Holy Candy, who made a handy chart so we can track who's at risk for the gift that keeps on giving. After the jump, the Derek Jeter Herpes Tree.

Illustration for article titled Did Derek Jeter Gave Poor Jessica Alba Herpes?
Advertisement

We kinda like how they treat dudes in Hollywood like baseball cards or something. But we didn't realize that Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel were so into each other's sloppy seconds! Also, does this mean that Cameron Diaz is in danger?

Derek Jeter Gave Jessica Alba Herpes [SportsWrap via L.A. Rag Mag]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

@Fawn Leibowitz: Well, Fawn, if you're going to be an ass, let's see: Would you rather have a virus-caused rash that can be kept in remission with a pill; or cancer caused by HPV, where the treatment is

1. a biopsy involving vinegar and a long utensil that resembles a paper punch to take tissue samples;

2. freezing your cervix with liquid nitrogen as the first course of action; and if that doesn't work,

3. having a grounding pad put on your leg and the equivalent of half a fingertip of your cervix burned out by an electric wire? With no general anesthesia? Or

5. having the rest of your cervix removed or, if the cancer's really advanced, your entire reproductive system cut out, which would then throw you into early menopause with all of its nightmares?

6. Or, if by the grace of God the HPV turns out to be just your run-of-the-mill warts, having them burned off either with a nuclear-grade salve or what doctors use to burn off plantar warts?

Your call. But if I were you, I'd opt for the chirps.