Today the Wall Street Journal ran an interesting piece about how large companies like Johnson & Johnson love the magazine Allure because its editors give their products all this free advertising even though they already advertise, which in turn makes them so gracious they buy even more advertising. Um...we're glad this magazine is serving someone's purpose! Because shit has been dead boring ever since that story about that killer Brazilian hair-straightening technique. The March issue may just be the ne plus ultra of this trend, although we should probably make sure we know what "ne plus ultra" means before throwing that term around. Oh, who cares? We're back with Cover Lies, in which editorial assistant Maria-Mercedes Lara and I rewrite the cover lines of a major magazine to more accurately reflect the cruel radiance within.