Remember back when Dennis and Kimberly Quaid were getting divorced because Dennis Quaid was being overly generous about letting strangers touch his penis and Kimberly Quaid was all, “Ugh, gross, Dennis — you’re like seven million years old even if you do have the body of a nubile Greek athlete”? The couple has since reconciled, deciding that it’d be better to cleave to each other than be exiled into the Siberian wasteland of singlehood. The only problem, though, is that their signed divorce papers are currently coursing through the carotid artery of justice right now, and the Quaids will be legally cleaved, like Aristophanes’ androgynous spider-walking people. [TMZ]
- Even though she’s been sentenced to 90 days of lockdown rehab in the Châtaeu d’If, truant movie star Lindsay Lohan continues to booze up real good. [TMZ]
- People are really excited about watching android Tilda Swinton dream of electric sheep in a box at the MoMA, but they probably don’t realize that androids don’t actually need to sleep and that what Tilda Swinton is really doing is silently judging museum visitors through half-closed eyes. [Atlantic Wire]
- The inmate who wanted to kill and castrate Justin Bieber still wants to kill and castrate Justin Bieber. [HuffPo]
- Somebody broke into Paris Hilton‘s mansion, nudging her back to relevancy this Sunday morning. [Radar]
- The Kids Choice Awards happened last night. Johnny Depp received an orange bath toy for his role in Dark Shadows, but doesn’t it seem a little weird that Johnny Depp actually went to the Kids Choice Awards? Like, doesn’t he have a band of roguish freight hopping tramps to serenade under the cool spring moonlight? [AP]
- Um, the Breakfast at Tiffany’s Broadway show wants to have Truman Capote‘s diminutive urn of ashes on hand for the show’s opening. [Page Six]
- Is Gwyneth Paltrow the happiest celebrity in all the land? Yes, the answer is yes. [Express]
- Disney decided that Minnie Mouse‘s polka-dotted schmatta wasn’t nearly sophisticated enough for Paris, so Lanvin designer Alber Elbaz made for Minnie a royal blue dress with long sleeves. It’s very sophistiqué. [AP]
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