It's that time of the year again, when the earth begins to prepare itself for the next installment of Nicholas Sparks' borderline oppressive young-hot-love-but-will-they-make-it? stories. He really stepped their game up this time because The Longest Ride features not one, but two whole terrible romances in two completely different eras! Oh and some creative use of a light sepia-filter (so you know which parts are in the olden times of 70 years ago).

The trailer may be a mere two in a half minutes, but don't worry, it crams in every single saccharine Nicholas Sparks cliché:

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  • Young white kids falling in love
  • Old white people reminiscing about their young love
  • A bold and reckless male protagonist played by an unattainably hot actor
  • A female protagonist whose heart is in the middle of a tug-of-war between love and practicality
  • A disapproving adult figure
  • An idyllic dream house
  • War
  • The beach
  • Letters
  • Rain

Dammit, Scott Eastwood plays a fucking bull-riding cowboy, a very very sexy concept, and I just can't get into it. Damn you Nicholas.

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The one good thing about this movie so far is that its title lends itself very very easily to a porn parody. Now if you would excuse me, I have to go reconsider my deep love for Jack Huston, who plays the younger version of the old dude in the hospital bed. I never expected him to go the Nicholas Sparks route and now, I really just have some thinking to do. Or maybe I'm still coming to terms with the fact that Huston actually has a full face. :/