Dear Cindy McCain, We Love You Just The Way You Are Made Up

Illustration for article titled Dear Cindy McCain, We Love You Just The Way You Are Made Up

Dear Cindy, we are sorry. We did not mean to belittle your pain over being called a vagina sixteen years ago. We were just sort of distracted. Distracted by the fact that John used the word "trollop," which, in the context of a rebuttal to a subtle jab about how fucking old he was, was kind of unintentionally hilarious. And by your makeup, and additionally, your steely expressions and rigid hairdos, which sometimes appear as their own sort of counterparts to the torture your husband endured in Vietnam. After the jump, Megan and I are going to go back and explore that famous McCain marital spat of 1992 for the true meaning of calling someone the c-word, but only after we explore the famous Andrew Sullivan-Chris Hitchens L-word spat, and briefly discuss how seven-year-olds are behind the latest Obama endorsements, John Cleese could be behind the next epic Obama race speech, the Washington Post is officially the best paper in America; too bad journalism is dead. Enjoy!

MEGAN: I'm pretty sure it's just going to rain the entire month of April.
moe: I'm pretty sure I don't want to have anything to do with this job today.
moe: It's not raining here though.
MEGAN: Well, whatever we get you get, I think, so just give it a few hours. If it doesn't work, I'll drive up there and then it will definitely rain.
moe: Anyway I think we have to talk about John McCain calling his wife a cunt.
moe: Yeah, AGAIN.
MEGAN: Yeah, kinda.
moe: I would rather talk about Chris Hitchens calling Andrew Sullivan a lesbian.
MEGAN: Well, we should parse that for the second.
moe: Okay, commenters: by the news roundup post I am REALLY incapable of anything but reflexive absurdist counterintuitiveness.
MEGAN: Does a man no one in their right mind would want to fuck calling a gay man a lesbian make that an insult? Because, frankly, given the choice of the two of them and my carpet getting munched, it's Sully FTW.
MEGAN: And I've met both of them.
moe: And everyone knows John McCain is a dick, and everyone knows he has a huge temper, and his utterance, while one that I'm sure stung at the time and surprised onlookers, was very much in keeping with that reputation. And being sixteen years ago, and existing as it did as one of millions of moments that make up a marriage, I ...just...did not think it was that big a deal. I mean, it shows his vicious, nasty side, yeah. Am I further offended because the word he used was "cunt"? Not really. He has anger issues. He's insecure. I've seen worse and been called worse. It's fucked up, but seriously, when you talk as much as John McCain, you run out of four letter words. I dunno, I was just utterly ...whatever.
moe: I am insensitive, what can I say.
MEGAN: No, I mean, I guess I agree with part of that. Plus, when combined with trollop? The man was in the Navy, swears like a sailor and OBVIOUSLY he can't deal with losing his hair because he's rocking the combover to this day.
moe: The coldness and the naked insecurity of it was kind of interesting. But the word "cunt"?
moe: Right, also, "trollop"
moe: By "trollop" you're just laughing.
moe: "Cunt" seemed like an afterthought.
MEGAN: That said, if anyone I was dating did that, he wouldn't just have trouble raising his arms above half mast.
MEGAN: Trollop would be fine, though. Cunt would make me seethe.
MEGAN: But I'm sensitive. A guy I was dating in the fall "jokingly" called me a whore in a text message and I went into full-on blind rage.
moe: It's like, "oh crap, my antiquated put-down makes me look older than my thinning hair...fuck you, you...CUNT"
MEGAN: In fact, I wrote a post about it
MEGAN: And cunt won.
MEGAN: As the word a dude should never call you.
MEGAN: But, also, I'm sensitive about my makeup application skills, I think I've mentioned. So between the cunt and the makeup insult, I would probably have cried.
moe: Yeah well...I don't generally date verbal abusers. Though I actually don't think anyone at this point could call me a whore in any way that wasn't ironic. Also, I don't think anyone I have dated has ever been that mad at me, except when we haven't really been dating, which is kind of sad in its own way.
MEGAN: The emotion I most often feel at the end or after a relationship is annoyance. Like, I just get annoyed instead of mad, and that doesn't tend to provoke anger.
moe: Yeah, I dunno. I feel bad, now, calling attention to her misuse of foundation. I do not feel bad, however, using the word "tranny." I dunno. God I have cramps. Okay: so the real crime of that exchange is that if there is truth to the perception that Cindy is some sort of trophy Stepford wife, and John McCain, war hero etc. etc. was just sick of his Stepford wife ragging on him for being an old geezer, and also sick of any number of other things that happened that day, which is, I guess, probably the truth, then yeah, it's a statement that would sting. But...


MEGAN: She did have a lot of foundation on, and for no reason that I could tell. She seems to have otherwise-lovely skin.
moe: Sixteen years later they're still together and she's gone through a lot and she's proud of her country and she wears too much makeup. It's terrible that society does to our women, sure. But sometimes we do it ourselves! Or have a professional do it. I professional applied my makeup the last time I was in a wedding. It was cringe-inducing, so I had to wipe it off and start over.
moe: I hated that woman.
MEGAN: That happened to one of my friends! It was like 1/4 of an inch thick! Her mother talked her into it. I don't like her mother.
moe: Here's the story of how in Israel "makeup artist" is just another code for "mossad"

MEGAN: She was just taking out her own insecurities on you.
MEGAN: Wait, just like John McCain.
MEGAN: I love when I can work something like that back in.
moe: You're good with the segues. I'm trying to figure out a way to work in all those weird online psychological tests Nick Kristof has been pushing.
MEGAN: Oh, yeah, those have been around for ages. We're all racist.
MEGAN: Basically.
MEGAN: We all clutch our purses like Barry's grandma.
moe: I actually couldn't even figure out how to work the first one. And then the second one said I implicitly showed a predisposition for Obama followed by Hillary followed by McCain.
moe: It took me 20 minutes of clicking and feeling like a retard to figure this out.
moe: Sometimes when you know something implicitly
moe: You should just leave it at that.
MEGAN: So, we implicitly like attractive people, have issues with our moms but still love them and mistrust scary old people? Sounds about right.


MEGAN: I'm sure you saw this, but it's now official that young people want old people to vote for Obama because the New York Times wrote about the trend.
moe: Oh, no see, but they advanced the trend: now it's grandchildren influencing these endorsements! Wisconsin governor Jim Doyle finally capitulated to a seven-year-old.

The two adult sons of Governor Doyle, 62, both black and both adopted, spoke to him with fervor about Mr. Obama's vision of a multiracial country. Then Mr. Doyle's young grandson piled on.

"He's a complete Barackomaniac," Mr. Doyle said in a phone interview. "When I asked him why, he said, 'I think he's really going to work hard for us.' I thought, that's it through the eyes of a 7-year-old. 'He'll work hard,' and 'for us.' "


MEGAN: I don't really discuss politics with my grandparents.
moe: But this is the bottom line, from the mom of an Obama volunteer:

"I'm glad they're interested in something other than their own self-interest and partying."


Um... I have you not heard of the springternship program?
MEGAN: I mean, if you raised your freaking kids right, shouldn't that be a gimme?
MEGAN: That they would be interested in something other than themselves and immediate gratification?
moe: Are you serious? How are parents supposed to compete with all the deleterious forces governing society these days? They have mortgages to pay.

MEGAN: Well, you know, when they can pay them these days.
moe: Hey speaking of, Tina Brown thinks the election is like a reality show and that Clinton will end up the survivor. Wait, and speaking of Brits, most of them seem to like Obama. John Cleese wants to get a job writing his speeches! And also speaking of Brits, we still haven't talked about Sullivan/Hitchens.
MEGAN: I'm still confused about the icky straight man calling the HIV-infected former barebacking through personal ads gay man a "lesbian."
9:35 AM
moe: Here's the clip.
MEGAN: Wait, what the hell?


MEGAN: I thought the whole POINT of being a lesbian-in-a-bad-way was that you were meaner and more forward than us girlie-girl straight girls.
MEGAN: But it just means you are forgetful?
MEGAN: Or a whiner?
MEGAN: Christopher Hitchens: Still drinking.
moe: Maybe we should petition him to make "bonerkiller" his new miscellaneous put-down. And I know this is only tangentially related to anything, but this piece on how Jeremiah Wright and Barack Obama's cousin Dick Cheney were born the same year was pretty cool, and I meant to link to it, and then I didn't because...Moe Tkacik: Still drinking.
MEGAN: I have to say, I still love articles that point out that Bush and Cheney never served in Vietnam
MEGAN: Also, good for Jeremiah Wright.

moe: Oh god, now weigh in on two things while I go find a more flattering mea culpa picture of Cindy McCain. The Washington Post is officially the best paper in America, and yes, journalism is dead.
MEGAN: I love how CBS is going to cut actual news operations in order to keep paying Katie Couric who nobody likes anyway to anchor a newscast filled with content provided by others.
9:50 AM
MEGAN: Also, the Weingarten story that won? Amazing. There's a little Asian man who plays a Chinese violin in the subway who no one notices but his music is beautiful and haunting and I always give him money and everyone else walks by. Chinese violins are, like, impossible to keep tuned and notoriously difficult to master, and it would make my morning to hear him even when I hated my job.
moe: One thing that's great about the Post is that, you know, they all know how to report stuff there, so if enough people land on good shit one year...a bunch of people you've never heard of can all win Pulitzers! And I say you've never heard of them only in the sense that they've never been personalities, like, on Gawker. And they don't write for the "Most Emailed List" because...the Most Emailed List isn't on the homepage! Sigh...if only "quality journalism" could make any $$$
moe: And yeah, I liked that story a lot. I like most things he does, though.
MEGAN: Oh, and if you haven't read the violinist story Gene won for, it's here.
MEGAN: Yeah, his features are always really good. He gets through the editing process with his voice intact.
moe: Well he is the editor. He used to be Dave Barry's editor at the Miami Herald. I don't think I know that from reading Dave Barry but. Here's something stupid Gene did that I linked to yesterday that no one commented on but you should check it out sometime bc it's funny.
MEGAN: No, if you haunt his chats, he's actually edited! He refers to his editor as Tom the Butcher.
MEGAN: I remember reading that!
moe: Man, I wish Tom would butcher me a little bit.

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I find when men use "Cunt' with negative patriarchal connotations (exactly the opposite of my name...) what it really reflects is how personally weak they. There was an article in GQ awhile back where a guy explained that he loved the word cunt because at the end of a fight no matter how wrong he was he could through that out at a woman and hurt her...which tells you how pitifully sad he really thats what John McCain calling his wife cunt says to me, he was pitiful and weak at the point and say "POWERS OF THE PATRIARCHY HELP ME TAKE MY WIFE DOWN A NOTCH" and used the word Cunt...PS. why is spell check saying cunt is misspelled...PPS. I know we are not suppose to 'self promote' and I dont know if this counts but I just got Cunt tattooed on me :) So that I can own the word not old stodgy men like McCain.