Guys, what the world needs now is a big-budget display of American aggression. Thank Zeus for Paramount Pictures' G.I. Joe: Retaliation, which premiered last night in Hollywood. If you dig lantern-jawed dudes, WTF dresses and Molly Ringwald, step right up and check out this red carpet.
Gray suits, always classic. Proof: DeRay Davis, Byung-Hun Lee
3-piece suits continue to be A Thing. Rocking vests: Luke Bracey, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
More muted colors: Scott Porter, Aviva Drescher.
Emma Heming went springy in a sparkly melon-hued dress. Bruce Willis does the cool-guy open-necked crisp white shirt thing, and it looks good.
Glittery lapels for Dancing With the Stars' Gleb Savchenko, glittery trousers and heels for Elena Samodanova.
As Michael Kors would say, this does not look expensive. However! Kudos to Elena Samodanova for looking like she's actually having fun.
Love this preppy chic look on Lisa Leslie. Elbow patches!
Molly Ringwald is a total class act in a LBD with crimson nails and lips.
Hey, are you sick of flesh-toned/beige/nude/sheer/illusion dresses yet? Adrianne Palicki is not. She looks good, I guess, can't really tear my eyes away from what was I saying?
Now we are entering the WHAT THE FUCK portion of the program. Elodie Yung is absolutely stunning, for real. That is a a face that renders mere mortals dumbstruck. But this dress is sooo Toddlers & Tiaras. Maybe it would be better in a deeper color, like emerald or red or black? I don't hate it but if you squint she looks like a six-year-old about to do her Beauty. What the fuck.
Also in WTF: Rumer Willis in sheer white shirt with black bra. Just kind of an odd choice when you're going to the movies with your dad?
And the winner of the WHAT THE FUCK achievement award: Rebecca Da Costa, dressed as Game Of Porcelain Thrones' Diaperina, of The House Poopy Drawers. Seriously: How does one urinate in this abomination?
Images via Getty.