Today in DailyCavity: Why DailyCandy editors think we should get a cute new ass, feel up a coffee mug, spend $1000 on the accessory-equivalent of a fortune cookie and indulge our inner 5-year-olds, after the jump.

DailyCandy Everywhere wants us to drop $3500 on an ass. Not our own, mind you, but a 4-legged, miniature one with big beautiful eyes.
DailyCandy Boston seems to be implying that coffee mugs can double as sex toys.
DailyCandy Dallas thinks that ambiguous, pretentious sayings contain hidden meanings. They also think we should gain access to such phrases through expensive jewelry, as opposed to, oh, a fortune cookie.
DailyCandy Los Angeles seems to be out to offend the Gilbert and Sullivan estate.
DailyCandy Philadelphia thinks adult women still aspire to be the fairy princesses they wanted to be at age 5.