Cue The Lindsay Lohan Media Hysteria

• In case you hadn’t noticed, a new Lindsay Lohan feeding frenzy has begun.

Does the woman have problems? Probably. Sure. This headline, however — “Lindsay Meltdown! Chugging Vodka After Breakup With Sam” — is just sensationalist. She was seen drinking, and crying, but her mom was there, sipping wine. So. [RadarOnline]

• More on this in Midweek Madness but: On this week’s Us: Lindsay Lohan. Suicidal. [Perez]
• And Lindsay says she’s in “absolute hell.” [Us Magazine]
• Samantha Ronson is not, repeat not seeking a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan, and she and LL “are totally communicating.” [People]
• Madonna has donated about half a million bucks to Italian earthquake victims; her grandparents lived in Pacentro, Italy, until 1919. [People]
• Howard K. Stern‘s lawyer says Stern is innocent and “no one enabled” Anna Nicole Smith when it came to drugs. Yeah, sure. [CNN]
• Rihanna is leaving Barbados after partying with her grandparents; she looks super happy in this pic snapped at the airport. [TMZ]
• Cops continue to investigate the shooting at Gisele‘s wedding; can’t you just imagine bodyguards shrugging and feigning innocence while their guns are concealed under their jackets? [Mirror]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps — soon to be divorced — was seen singing karaoke while having a girls’ night out, just like classy royals are wont to do. [Page Six]
• I’m not loving Rachel McAdams‘ hair on the cover of the new Marie Claire but what are you gonna do. She is a cutie, though. [ONTD]
• So Rachel McAdams took part in Marie Claire‘s book club, and read Prodigal Summer. She says: “I absolutely fell in love with this book. I don’t think I got out of bed for three days-I was just eating it up. My favorite story line was the one between Deanna and Eddie Bondo. I found that totally hot. It was one of the hottest love stories I’ve ever read.” [ONTD]
• You know how Paris Hilton has been saying Doug Reinhardt was “going to be” her husband? Apparently she is thinking about a summer wedding, maybe August in the Bahamas. Five bucks says no. [Mirror]
• Taylor Swift looks gaudy and scheming on the new eye-searing cover of Seventeen. [Perez]
• Jessica Simpson is “ignoring” Eminem‘s video, which is probably best. Also, she has not been dropped from her country label; she was “on loan” and continues to be on Epic records or whatever. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Zac Efron stars in an epic Funny Or Die video that’s supposed to go up later today. Also in the clip: Brody Jenner, Joel Madden, Queen Latifah, Justin Long, Nicole Richie, Vanessa Hudgens, Carmen Electra, Brittany Snow and Lance Bass. [EW]
• Amy Poehler and a dead squirrel are on the cover of TV Guide. Amy dishes on the secret of her success: “In 1992, I met an old gypsy woman on the side of the road and she gave me a magic bean. I ate it and that was it. The hard part was I had to chop off her head after she gave it to me. But now look at me. I’m famous.” [Just Jared]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, is talking about how she financed her in vitro: She inherited $30,000 from an aunt and worked overtime at her job in addition to the disability payments she received. [MSNBC]
• There’ some kind of feud going on between Holly Madison and a Las Vegas TV reporter, but honestly? Yawn. [Perez]
• Meanwhile, Kendra Wilkinson has been hanging out at the shooting range. [People]
• Peaches Geldof went clubbing and someone poured a beer on her head and this is newsworthy. [The Sun]
• Lenny Kravitz got fan mail… from French Prez Nicolas Sarkozy! [Reuters]
• Helena Bonham Carter will be in Terminator: Salvation; apparently stills released this week show her with half her face shaved off and her brain visible. Bring it! [Independent]
• Can you picture Al Pacino playing Napoleon? It’s gonna happen! For a screen adaptation of a children’s book called Betsy And The Emperor. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rob Lowe won his lawsuit against his former nanny, by the by. She violated the confidentiality agreement she signed by telling everyone Lowe’s business. [TMZ]
• Gorgeous and talented Sanaa Lathan will host Lens On Talent, a BET show for undiscovered filmmakers. [USA Today]
• Liam Neeson went to the 70th birthday party of Sir David Frost, on of Neeson’s first appearances since the death of his wife, Natasha Richardson. [Telegraph]
• Tim Roth will play a “gnarled tramp” in Skellig, a family film to be shown on TV Easter weekend in the UK. [Telegraph]
• One of the choreographers from So You Think You Can Dance, who was arrested last week for alleged sexual assaults, is expected to be released without any charges pressed by prosecutors. Yeah. [TMZ]
• Jamie Waylett, 19, also known as Vincent Crabbe in the Harry Potter movies, was busted for having a cannabis farm at his mum’s house. Maybe he needed it for his Defence Against the Dark Arts class? Herbivus inhalus! [Daily Mail]
• What the world needs now: A Seinfeld porn parody. [The Sun]
• For the love of Zeus why are they remaking Romancing The Stone?!?!?! [UPI]
• Blind item! “Which seemingly down-to-earth starlet is actually a wicked diva? When she wasn’t featured as prominently as her other cast members in a recent photo shoot, she left the set in a huff.” [Gatecrasher]
• Strictly Come Dancing is an obsession for my entire family. I don’t watch much TV but I like that show. You will see me on Strictly or the US version Dancing With The Stars.” — Emily Blunt. [Daily Express]
• “We were both looking for our walks, having this great time competing and yet helping each other. I tried all these walks, like that Monty Python sketch, the silly walks. I went to bars in Texas, trying to pass as Texan, trying to get something real. He got his walk, I found mine. And then I came into the make-up room and he shows up with these horrible false teeth that he’d gotten from his dentist. I was so jealous. I mean, I had a walk, he had the limp. But he had the teeth, too.” — Jon Voight, on working on classic film Midnight Cowboy with Dustin Hoffman. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• “I loved the way [the author, Barbara Kingsolver] linked the interconnectedness of nature with the interconnectedness of human relationships. When she writes in the beginning that “solitude is only a human presumption,” I thought that was so true. I mean, we all think we’re the center of the universe, but we don’t exist alone. It’s that ripple idea that you cannot touch one thing without affecting another.” — Rachel McAdams on Prodigal Summer. [ONTD]
• “I’ll be a soccer mom. Like Posh Spice. I’ll be there in my heels cheering on my kids. ‘Go, team, go!’ But I’ll have no idea what’s going on.” — Miley Cyrus, on where she’ll be in 10 years. [USA Today]
• “It’s a serious crime and there’s no doubt it’s very disappointing — I was heartbroken by it. Obviously people are seeing an unfinished film. It’s like a Ferrari without a paint job.” — Hugh Jackman on the Wolverine leak, about which he is “heartbroken.” [Reuters]