Cro-Magnon Woman Olivia Wilde Was 'Too Old' to Play Leo's Wife in The Wolf of Wall Street

Images via Getty, Shutterstock, and real life.
Images via Getty, Shutterstock, and real life.

Olivia Wilde, the planet’s last surviving Cro-Magnon woman, recently revealed to Howard Stern that she was turned down for the role of Leonardo DiCaprio’s wife in 2013's The Wolf of Wall Street because of her impressively old age.


She told Stern:

“The funniest thing I heard recently was, I had heard for a part that I was too sophisticated. I thought, ‘Oh, that sounds nice. I like that feedback. I didn’t get the part but I’m a very sophisticated person.’ Then I found out later they actually said ‘old.’ I had auditioned unsuccessfully for Wolf of Wall Street. That was the one I was too old for.”

Though Wilde claims to have been around 28 years old at the time of casting (DiCaprio was around 37), the film’s production team saw the icy, weathered truth in her prehistoric eyes and, after some casual radiocarbon dating, decided to give the role to Margot Robbie, who was born in the 20th century. Insiders claim director Martin Scorsese once described Wilde’s face as “that of an unsuccessful and hungry mammoth hunter.”

Wilde is currently married to Jason Sudeikis, 45,021 years her junior.


Before I get into this St. Patrick’s Day miracle of an item, just know that our friends at Gossip Cop claim it’s “ridiculously stupid” and “untrue.” But also know that no one on the planet is right 100% of the time, even the guardians of veritas over at Gossip Cop. This is Dirt Bag, not Fact Bag. (Can you even imagine how boring that would be?)

Question: Is it too late now to get taller?

The National Enquirer is reporting that Justin Bieber is buying “a machine that mimics weightlessness in space, all in the hopes that it will stretch his spine and make him two inches taller.” He apparently heard that an astronaut named Scott Kelly “grew two inches while spending a year aboard the International Space Station” and asked whoever his equivalent of Red from Shawshank is to acquire it for him.


Now go run up the hill to the church and ring that bell, Becky Sue! Ring it so hard and so loud that everyone in town comes ‘round. And when the whole town’s arrived, you tell ‘em Becky Sue! You tell ‘em that Mr. Bieber has bought that space machine and that he’s fixin’ to make himself taller!

[Gossip Cop]

I promise you Taylor Swift turned up the Ina Garten volume in this video, which is one of the most calculated and meticulously art directed Instagram posts I’ve seen from her in something like 36 hours.


  • Question: Did you know Drew Barrymore calls her best friend Cameron Diaz “Poo Poo”? [Celebitchy]
  • Never get in a car with Kim Kardashian, folks! [The Hollywood Life]
  • Shia LaBeouf and the Goth woman are engaged. [Gossip Cop]
  • Walking a runway is on Caitlyn Jenner’s bucket list. [Gossip Cop]
  • Lupita Nyong’o and the Oscar Curse sounds like a movie I would watch. [Celebitchy]
  • Amber Rose is allegedly asking for $10 million “to keep Kanye West’s deepest secrets.” In Radar’s dreams. [Radar Online]
  • Beep beep, here comes Michelle Pfeiffer’s lifestyle brand! [Page Six]

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man


The Noble Renard

The older I get, the more convinced I am that there’s something fundamentally wrong with men who continue insisting that 18-year-old women are the most attractive women.

I mean, I thought this when I was 18. Then when I was 21 I thought 21-year-olds were peak attractive, and now in my late 20s I think that women in their late 20s/early 30s are the most attractive. I feel that this should be the norm.