Crap Email From A Dude: "The Unsteady Seating Of Mirrors"

Illustration for article titled Crap Email From A Dude: "The Unsteady Seating Of Mirrors"

You date a guy for two months; it's okay. When he abruptly cuts off contact, after a week you send him a 3-line email ending things. Ah, but he has to have the last word. And what last words.

Hi kc,
I do apologize for not speaking. I've been mentally and emotionally taxed these past two weeks, and allowing our new relationship to languish was a regretable but simple choice. Our connection had the unsteady seating of mirrors and physical pleasure. I enjoyed seeing a writerly life in another, but im too egotistical to mix it with real romantic admiration. I suppose all this explaining is dwarfed by my recent inaction. I wont be willing to make up for this offense beyond an apology. Im sorry kc. Im still a bit in the dumps and am just looking out for myself right now. With what little foresight I have today, I don't see sharing correspondances or adventures anymore. I wish you the best and please consider the book a gift.

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As K.C. (who, as she notes, "capitalize my name like anyone else" ) observes, "he fancies himself a poet." Which explains the e.e. cummings punctuation — and the book — if not the "unsteady seating of mirrors and physical pleasure," which we can only assume is some reference to self-reflection, Barbra Streisand, or insecurely-hung looking-glasses. Either way, as our correspondent says, "Spare us all, just say you're not interested."

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.

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DISCUSSION

This seems to me to be one of the least crappy emails of any of the crap emails as yet posted. He doesn't insult or say mean or douchebag things. He wishes her well. It - and he - may be ANNOYING and overly wordy, but is it really fair to indict someone (granted, after vanishing, but we really don't know what happened between them otherwise) for actually just writing what they think? Why is assuming that he's not writing "...just say you're not interested" make this a crap email? Is that the line where "crappy email" now resides, at just plain annoying? How on earth would we even have time to sort through all of THOSE?

I'm not seeing the crap part of this. Not everyone is as brilliantly witty or laser-like with their clarity as we all are.