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Crap Email From A Dude, II

Illustration for article titled Crap Email From A Dude, II

Welcome back to "Crap Email From A Dude," a Jezebel public service campaign in which we run actual emails from actual dudes. The beauty of the crap email, as you'll see below, is the fundamental dishonesty couched in its I've-been-nothing-but-straightforward-with-you veracity, the inconsistency that professes itself to be consistent, and the fact that in the below installment the girl has been financing the guy's, um, lifestyle. Girl: successful, professional, supports dude while he deals with back problems, money problems. Dude: breaks up with girl via text message while she is away on a business trip. Girl: finds out dude has been cheating on her, possibly in front of the dogs he is supposed to be sitting while she is away. Dude: has tattoos.


Look, I know you're hating me these days. I realize, the way things ended, a lot can be read into the possible reasons why they ended the way they did. Because I was arrogant and confused myself, I didn't feel the need to discuss anything with anyone. Then, rumors started to fly and I just took an "everyone can fuck off" attitude, which perpetuated the most negative conclusions in many people's minds.

What's done is done and in the end, I think we both know it's what needed to happen. I wish it could have happened in a way that would have caused less pain to you and not resulted in this concrete wall of hatred between us...


Is there anything I can do which would chip away at that wall a little? Is it money? I've thought about that and I should pay you the money you lent for my passport stuff. The other expenses you claimed in the past are negligable as we both invested time or money which was never sidemarked for repayment. Those are just the costs of being in a relationship. If you disagree, let me know and I will listen to what you say.

Is there anything I can say, besides "i'm sorry". If you need me to answer any questions, I will. I know I was a coward by not talking after the breakup. Hurting you is the last thing I would ever intentionally want to do under any circumstances. You are a very kind and gracious person with a good heart. I just didn't have the balls to look you in the eyes and know that I just hurt you that much. But I had to it. Not doing it would have ultimately been much worse.

We're going to run into each other from time to time. I hope maybe one day, it won't be so unpleasant. I know I don't deserve to be your friend right now, I'm just trying to open a dialogue.

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I wish you would post the names of these...

I was going to say "men", but that doesn't seem appropriate. Neither does douche, because no woman's douche has ever seen an asshole this big.

Anyway, I wish you would post names. It would be a MAJOR public service.

I'm sure the lucky girl that got him would be extremely grateful for the insight.

In FACT! I think women should instigate a funneling mechanism - when a guy fucks you over, you should get to tattoo him, or maybe even cut off something small on his body so that everyone else can tell.

Then, when you end up naked with dude, you know what you're getting - cheater, moocher, liar, whatever!

At least then you can take responsibility for your own mistakes instead of moaning about how you didn't know.