Cowboys Are Good In Bed And Don't Ever Get The Blues

Illustration for article titled Cowboys Are Good In Bed And Don't Ever Get The Blues

This past weekend, I came across news of a survey reporting that single women "overwhelmingly believe cowboys are better in bed than businessmen" and that of those single women surveyed, some 60% would rather live in a house in the country than a fancy condo in the city.


Whether scientifically valid or not (probably not, but you tell me), the survey reminded me of my friend Jessie, a onetime New York City singleton and writer who, in a scenario straight out of a chick-lit novel, went on assignment to Montana, attended a rodeo, and came back with a real-live cowboy named Jake. (That's him, above.) I'd always been curious about Jessie's cowboy beau: Did he regularly smell of manure? Was he naturally bow-legged? Did he ride her as well as he rode horses? After the jump, Jessie takes time out from freelance writing and hauling stuff around her garden in a John Deere to confirm and deny a few myths about horse-wrangling he-men.

A lot of city women fantasize about hooking up with a cowboy. I was one of them. After 15 years in Manhattan, I'd pretty much reached the conclusion that I didn't want to end up with a New York guy, and ended up looking beyond the tri-state area for husband material. I ended up getting sent out on assignment to write a story about a rodeo in Montana where I met — lo and behold — a cowboy named Jake. We ended up getting married and settling in small town Lexington, Virginia — the home of his alma mater, Virginia Military Institute. In case you've ever wondered what it's like to live with and love a cowboy, allow me to demystify a few things:

Myth: Cowboys are sexy
Reality: Affirmative. When I first met my husband he'd just been thrown from the back of a bull and he was wearing Wranglers encased in a pair of golden chaps with tassles. What hardboiled NYC woman wouldn't fall for such a specimen of manhood? I couldn't help but compare this guy to my previous NYC boyfriend who thought an expression of manhood meant dropping $80 on a Prada keychain. Plus, cowboys workout from sun-up to sun-down—building barns, mending fences and the like—which is why the obesity epidemic still hasn't hit this segment of the population.

Myth: Cowboys like to work hard and play hard
Reality: Cowboys like to work hard and work hard.
My husband relaxes by digging trenches. He unwinds by stacking firewood. The only reason he comes inside each night is because I make him. For our upcoming honeymoon to New Zealand, he asked if he could pick up some work on a farm while we're there—you know, for fun.

Myth: Cowboys aren't in touch with their feelings
Reality: My husband got really, really pissed when his Bobcat broke down. But other than that, nothing much phases him.

Myth: Cowboys are hopeless romantics
Reality: Can a person own a machine gun and still be considered romantic? If so, then my husband is very romantic—especially when he shot a hole through a dime at 80 yards with said weapon of destruction (what can I say, he went to a military college). He eventually got rid of the machine gun, but I still have the dime as a token of our love.

Myth: Cowboys make better lovers
Reality: Who would you rather do — the horse whisperer or Spencer Pratt? Exactly.
Also, (and this is just my crack theory) I'm convinced that working outside, surrounded by trees and birds and babbling brooks and sunshine while burning a kajillion calories an hour, has a calming effect on a man's libido. Seems like every guy I dated in NYC had some degree of porn addiction — the result of sitting in front of a computer all day with pictures of illicit Chechnyn nymphets at their fingertips. The downside of all this outdoor manual labor is that when my husband's head hits the pillow at the end of day, he's already asleep.

Myth: You can't corral a cowboy
Reality: Despite the John Wayne "don't-fence-me-in" stereotype, cowboys are actually really into longterm commitments —e specially if you're a city chick. In fact, there's not a more perfect pairing than an urban woman and a range rider First of all, there's the issue of population density — or rather, the lack thereof. Aside from the occasional gal working behind the counter at the Feed & Seed, there's only a smattering of pretty women vying for a cowboy's attention (and when I say women, I mean those who don't chew Kodiak or go turkey hunting). Secondly, if you're at all intelligent, independent and don't work at the Kum & Go, he knows he can still do his cowboy thing and you won't get all needy. It's perfect. City dudes, on the other hand, are constantly bombarded by beautiful, perfectly coiffed babes, and they end up living under the Adderall-induced illusion that there's always a finer, choicer piece of ass sitting in the next cubicle.

Myth: Cowboys want to take care of a woman.
Reality: Mm, no. While I'm sure Jake would gladly shoot an intruder between the eyes to protect me, he makes me do things like hold heavy hydraulic nail guns and help him carry 300 pound pieces of timber from one corner of our property to another. And when I got bucked off a horse for the first time and landed on my head a few weeks ago, he chuckled.

Myth: Cowboys know how to clean up.
Reality: No matter how hard or how long my husband scrubs, he always has dirt under his fingernails. Always. At dinner parties, weddings, our own wedding...

Myth: Cowboys make better husbands than city guys.
Reality: They make better husbands in that they still harbor old-fashioned values. My husband never swears, he dislikes movies about adultery, calls everyone "sir" or "ma'am," he always says a prayer before dinner and he can't wait to have kids. And he doesn't beat me — love that!

WEtv Cable Channel Poll Shows City Women Prefer Cowboys [Cleveland Plain Dealer]



I went to a rodeo in Wyoming this summer and had the best make-out session I've had to date. Just sayin'.