Could 'Asian Fetishes' Be Good For America?

Illustration for article titled Could Asian Fetishes Be Good For America?

Remember my post on the existence of Asian fetishes? Some other bloggers sure do! Anyway, in the original post I mentioned this one time, when I was working at a phone sex call center, that all the operators were being called up to the desk to get training in "Asian" voices. My teacher was a supervisor, a girl of Cambodian descent whose name I don't remember but I think her phone sex name was Jane. My phone sex name was Erin.


"You have to say, it 'Eh-lin,'" she said. "All your 'r's have to be 'l's and vice-versa. Or if that gets confusing just don't pronounce your 'r's at all."
"Uh, okay."
"And when you talk to him about his 'cock', don't pronounce the 'ck'. Say it like 'co-'," she cut off the word as if she was coughing. "You want his 'BEEG G.I. Joe co... beeg Amelican co..."
"Are you fucking kidding?"
"Yeah, seriously, I just memorized the whole bit from Full Metal Jacket," she said. "Me so hoooooe-ny!"


So, you know, that was that.

It was pretty absurd, to learn how to talk "Asian" from a first-generation Asian immigrant who learned from a seventeen year-old rap song's sampling of a twenty-year-old movie. But I'm sure it was a lot better, in working some lonely dude through his throbbing boner, to draw from an iconic movie scene, as opposed to the ingrained memory of the Asian accented voice of, say, her mom. It was also a lot more fun to use. Unfortunately, my calls usually came through the "Beautiful Black Woman" and " Teen Tits" lines. Oh, well.

I think it's within the capacity of most humans to understand that common media representations often don't depict reality. But people, when they are exposing themselves to media images, aren't necessarily looking for reality, and that ratio goes down almost to nil when you're talking about fetishes and porn.

(And to that end you should watch this video I consider to be pretty funny, namely because I saw it after I had seen the series of "Daddy's Worst Nightmare" videos upon which it was based, which is like performance art, but anyway.


I appreciated everyone's frank discussion of "Asian fetishes" and the weird rationale guys use with their friends for having them. (See: Asian vaginas don't smell.) In the process I admitted, in what I hope you took as a mostly self-deprecating tone, that Asian women by and large have good skin and are less likely to be fat. And you know what? Some of you went apeshit. To the point that I thought about Googling statistics on our respective rates of skin cancer and obesity, just to prove I was, you know, just sayin.'

But seriously? Who the fuck chooses a girlfriend on the basis of his or her ethnicity's relative rate of skin cancer? (Of course, there are studies that suggest people are attracted to mates whose immune systems will complement their own; whatevs.) The point is, that today's "Asian fetishists" will be tomorrow's "dudes who feel really fucking stupid and racist for assuming that a Korean girlfriend would be a cheap drunk" or "dudes whose Puerto Rican girlfriends make fun of those Chinese painting supplies they bought that one time they thought it would impress that girl who was actually just seriously annoyed," or whatever. Over time, the acknowledgement of ethnic stereotypes — and the engagement and undermining and satirizing of those stereotypes — can lead to a stronger understanding of the sometimes ultimately superficial cultural differences that prevent us from enjoying deeper human relationships with people of all colors, creeds, etc.


Ha ha ha, I said "deeper."

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Rooo sez BISH PLZ

@jnov: Google "white privilege". I feel sure it will expand the acreage of your frontal cortex immensely.

As for the thick skin, perhaps exfoliation bi-weekly as opposed to daily.