'Cosmopolitan' Magazine: You Are Cuddling All Wrong, According To People Who Actually Have PhDs In This

Illustration for article titled 'Cosmopolitan' Magazine: You Are Cuddling All Wrong, According To People Who Actually Have PhDs In This

Every month 'Cosmo' serves up a bacchanalian feast of sex tips and techniques, bolstered by numerous quotes from 1. "Real Guys" and 2. People Whose Titles End In "PhD". But! Usually the two do not appear together. Might there be some disagreement between the scholars and the studs?


This month's Cosmopolitan follows its Real Guy story ("75 Mattress Moves") with two stories — "Sexy Things To Do With Food" and "The Power Of Cuddling" — that quote no Real Guys whatsoever. (Because we've never been particularly insecure about our cuddling skills, we were surprised to discover that there are six cuddling techniques we need to know, plus a sidebar full of cuddling don'ts!) Anyway, after the jump, a Real Guy we know weighs in on the magazine's latest sex and relationship advice.

Cosmo, "The Power of Cuddling," page 134:

You know you love snuggling up to your boy, but how you do it sends him certain messages and encourages specific responses... "Touch is the most powerful form of nonverbal communication," explains gender-communication expert Audrey Nelson, PhD.

Our guy, 30, Chicago:
"I mean, I'd be lying if I said I'm against it."

Cosmo, "The Power of Cuddling: Cuddle Overkill"

Like all life's indulgences, snuggling should be done in moderation. Here's Why...

Our guy, 30, Chicago:
"The only thing I know is definite in my life is there's a time limit. If I'm staying in bed and not getting coffee or checking out internet/TV , it's because there's some poison that needs to leave my intestines. I'm talking there's going to be some seriously dense gas under the sheets in about 3, 2, 1..."

Cosmo, "Sexy Things To Do With Food"

-Smooth hazelnut-chocolate spread across his intensely sensitive inner wrists and arms, and run your tongue over his sugary skin.
-Have him coat your nipples with caramel sauce, then "undress" you using his mouth.
-Loosely bind his hands with a black licorice string for kinky-lite play.


Our guy, 30, Chicago:
"Sexy thing to do with food... Cook! The end."



BREAKING NEWS FROM COSMO: guys like it when you touch them!

I've yet to read an article in their sex section that tells me (a) something I don't already know, or (b) something that isn't patently ridiculous, if it doesn't fit in the other category.