'Cosmo' Introduces: The "Blended" Orgasm

Illustration for article titled Cosmo Introduces: The Blended Orgasm

Oh Jesus, Cosmo is back. And so full of information! There's "4 Things Every Guy Keeps Private" ("We masturbate — a lot") and "5 Places Sexual Predators Look For Women" (All the places you go to everyday, OMG feel thankful you were only "gray raped.") But the cover line that most piqued our interest was, "THE BLENDED ORGASM" (Inside: "Your new slogan may become: 'I'll take mine blended!'") (Thanks I'll settle for "up"!) So anyway: what the fuck is a "blended" orgasm? A Brangelina orgasm? An orgasm you get after a visit to the tiki bar at Club Med? Well Liz, 24, describes it like this:

Every nerve from head to toe perks up. I reach a point where I feel like I am going to burst, and then the release is so gratifying.

Gratifying, eh? So it's an orgasm that turns you into a total dork? We read on..

But then as usual with Cosmo, the text was so dense and scholarly we settled on skimming. Apparently a blended orgasm causes "body spasms" and a "rolling, wavelike response" with an "incredibly explosive finale." So it's the type of orgasm you get from something motorized! But a blender? You've got a strange mind, Kate White.

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You really shouldn't have to work your fingers that hard.

Thanks, thanks very much, I'll be here all week!