Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

'Cosmo' Cover Girl Jessica Alba: Emotionally Unavailable, Intuitive, Creatively Unfulfilled

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Analyzing handwriting is fun! And while we were all set to have the chicken scratches in Lucky analyzed, we were informed by a Lucky rep that, sadly, staffers do not actually pen the purple-prose laden "Editor's Picks" in every issue. (That "honor" goes to the magazine's art directors). Such is not the case in Cosmopolitan, however. Every month "The #1 Women's Magazine" includes a spread of illuminating scribbles that are, in fact, donated by that month's cover girl for the magazine's "Cosmo Quiz". After the jump, graphologist Sheila Kurtz weighs in on the September Cosmo cover girl, Jessica Alba, the type of woman we love to hate but who, in reality, may be down-to-earth and pretty decent.


Below: a sample of Alba's "Cosmo Quiz". Following: the analysis.

The slant of the writing is to the left, an indication that although the writer may seem outgoing and available that is actually not the case. This writer holds emotions in and let's only the most tested and trusted people in with then. The form of the letters is also block-style printing: such writers are consciously careful not to show on the surface what may be bubbling underneath.

The spaces between letters indicate the writer possesses intuition, among the most vital traits of mind for successful people. The writer can leap from fact to fact, and over many unknowns, in order to arrive at trustworthy conclusions. This writer's speed of thinking and reacting is much accelerated by the use of intuition.

There are several Greek e forms, which look like backward 3's. These are indications of a literary bent, and the writer is probably expressive both in writing and orally.

The "V" formation in the m's and n's are indications of a mind that can and will dissect information, weigh it and evaluate it, and eventually come to a decision.

The writer is probably extremely loyal to a set of beliefs (round i dots) and comfortable with details (close proximity of i dots to the i stem).

There are "breakaway" strokes in the sample (after a firm down-stroke, an up stroke that breaks away and upward, like the r in "first".) This signals a person who will seize the initiative and go forward without the urging of others.

The writer is of independent mind (short t's).

There are no initial strokes: this writer likes to get to things and loathes wasting time.

There is evidence in the lower loops of the y's that the writer has a creative imagination, which goes largely unfulfilled. The writer may conjure a fine and original idea, but then is likely to tire and turn away before the idea comes to fruition.

The writer seems frank, lacks signs of self-deceit, and seems of good integrity.

This writer's goals are very high (the t bar is usually at the top of the t stem). The writer's determination is not too strong, but energy and drive (apparent pressure of writing) can pull things through.


The Fantastic Jessica Alba [Cosmopolitan]
Earlier: All Jessicas Are Pretty Bitches
It's Official: Jessicas — From Alba To Z — Suck