Cosmo and Harlequin Join Forces for Series of Inevitably Ridiculous Erotic E-Books

Illustration for article titled Cosmo and Harlequin Join Forces for Series of Inevitably Ridiculous Erotic E-Books

Well, isn't this just a match made in boring sexy heaven! It was announced yesterday that romance publisher Harlequin will partner up with dumb-dumb lady magazine Cosmopolitan to produce Cosmo Hot Reads, a series of erotic e-books that will begin dropping in May, with two books (each title hovering around 30,000 words) being released each month to follow. Says Cosmo editor Joanna Coles, "Cosmo readers love fabulous fiction and if you picked up 50 Shades of Grey then this is the book series for you." To which Harlequin grumblingly added, "We were here first."


Harlequin's press release promises that the short stories will focus on "free-spirited women committed to an outgoing lifestyle." Well, that sounds fine and dandy, but have you ever read the erotic fiction feature that already exists in each issue of Cosmopolitan? If not, let me sum it up for you: "But he was my boss." There. That's the basis of all of their milquetoast sex fiction and who knows if their e-books will go the same way.

But maybe they'll combine the best/worst of both worlds and use the books to do what Cosmo does best — educate. What's a better place to hide crazy-ass Tips for Pleasing Your Guy than inside a bodice-ripper? Imagine! "Leona wanted to give Michael Roughhands the blowjob of his life so first she filled her mouth with live bees." Or how about this: "As Ingrid cauterized the bullet hole in Jeff's pectoral, she suddenly became very aware of his muscles and how shirtless he was. An impish smile quirked the corners of her mouth. 'This will be hot,' she thought, taking the glowing metal she had been using to close his wound and pressing it into the side of his face. Oh, the sexy smell of burning flesh."

See, who needs Cosmo Hot Reads? Clearly, we've already got this.

Cosmopolitan and Harlequin to Team Up for Steamy E-Fiction [NYT]

Image via Baranq/Shutterstock.


Mama Penguino

I agree this is ridiculous, but as someone who reads (among other things) a shitload of low-brow lady-smut, it's my experience that these books are great because of the fact that within their pages, it's the women being "serviced" throughout. Seriously. I can't tell you how many of these books detail long pages of women enjoying rampant oral sex and such and when she says, no! you must have a blow job! he says, no no no, I only want to go down on you all night long, who cares about my stupid penis?!? And while they eventually get to actual intercourse, it takes a big backseat to all the time spent on the female protagonist's desires. Of course, this is nothing but fantasy (or lasts only the first 6 months to a year in any relationship, in my experience), but it's kind of enjoyable. Just one person's opinion.