Conventional Crap: The Sun Is Already Setting On The RNC

The Republican National Convention hasn't even officially started and already it's being scaled back due to Republicans not wanting to look like insensitive assholes (again) when a hurricane hits the Gulf Coast. In the absence of hangovers, parties or Madonna concerts to discuss this week, Kay Steiger of Campus Progress (still Conventionally blogging at Pushback and RH Reality Check) and I discuss hurricanes, Sarah Palin, polar bears, drilling for oil, Carly Fiorina, how we won't be voting with our vaginas and the most desperate need of our time — that Kevin Costner never star in another science fiction movie.MEGAN: Good morning, and thanks for waking up on a holiday-for-normal-people to do this... KAY: Not a problem. I got in late last night, but oh man, so much to talk about this morning: Sarah Palin probably wasn't properly vetted, another hurricane is going to slam New Orleans (probably), and the Republicans went ahead and canceled the Bush/Cheny duo at the convention today because of it. MEGAN: I have to say, I do find it ever-so-slightly ironic that a hurricane is fucking up the Republican convention in Minnesota, in no small part after that right-wing pastor for Focus on the Family called for torrential, once-in-a-lifetime rain to fuck up Obama's speech and prove who the God candidate really was. Guess we know who God is rooting for, after all, going and reminding everyone how Bush and Cheney fucked up in NOLA... KAY: Oh yeah, careful though, this guy had to apologize for joking that God was on the Democrats' side. MEGAN: As far as I'm concerned, they started it. Also, I don't actually believe that God probably gives a shit. KAY: But this whole thing reminds me of the guy in your office, you know, the slacker who comes in late and doesn't do his job, but then when evaluations roll around suddenly he's on time and makes a big show of getting his stuff done early. MEGAN: Like, if S/He did, S/He wouldn't punish the Gulf Coast for it, right? We are living in the post-Genesis world. KAY: Wait, we are? Shit, I was scheduled to sacrifice a goat for having my period later ... MEGAN: I mean, when was the last time you heard Phil Collins? KAY: Possibly in the elevator. MEGAN: Anyway, I also love how McCain is all, "this is no time to play politics!" but already did a campaign stop there. Oh, wait, "assessment tour." KAY: Right, and his new VP pick has such an awesome record on the environment. Know what will fix this problem? More drilling in Alaska! MEGAN: Wait! John McCain told me that drilling here and drilling now will fix everything! How dare you suggest it won't! KAY: Totally. And she thinks the "jury's still out" on global warming. Tell that to Gustav. MEGAN: Well, like, the jury is still out. Civilization as we know it hasn't ended due to catastrophic environmental degradation, making it look like something out of Mad Max or Tank Girl or Waterworld or The Postman. And perhaps if Hollywood keeps Kevin Costner from ever starring in a scifi movie again, it never will. KAY: That's one of the many things we need to do to protect America. MEGAN: The other thing I wanted to touch on was Carly Fiorina's statement that women are smarter than to vote on choice.

The Democratic party has done a disservice to women by trying to hold women hostage to the issue of Roe v. Wade. The truth is the most important issue to women, all the polls say this, is the economy. Women are not single issue voters.


Because this is something I feel marginally guilty about. I don't want to be a single-issue voter, but when the issue is control over my body, I'm afraid my uterus beats out my brain, like usual. So, really, it's the Republican Party that is holding me hostage with it's no-abortion-not-ever-you-dirty-slut platform. KAY: So true. I mean, it's a good thing we have Carly Fiorina to remind us of that. MEGAN: I'm glad she has such obvious faith in my reasoning and intellect. KAY: Of course, women simply can't be trusted to make rational decisions. The Republicans obviously thought they'd trick women by picking a woman as VP nominee. That way our little lady brains would make us think she's the same as Hillary Clinton. And, you know, we always vote with our vaginas. MEGAN: I mean, I don't want to deny here that I make bad choices with my vagina. My vagina has made several poor decisions in my lifetime. But one thing it is pretty darn good at is distinguishing between people. And so my vagina knows that Sarah Palin is not Hillary Clinton, and my brain knows that even better. KAY: Right? Well, here's hoping that this poll is right and women will remain skeptical and not be deceived by her "hockey mom" status and accent (which I personally find adorable and you'll probably hear in St. Paul this week). MEGAN: I like accents! I find it strange when people ask about mine because it's such a strange mish-mash of all the places I've lived — I'll bet you've heard me break out a "wicked" or two when I've been drinking. But we definitely shouldn't dismiss the idea that people will vote for McCain because he brought her on the ticket. Obama needs to make a compelling case that voting for a woman like Sarah Palin, given her politics, is not a vote for women like Hillary Clinton's young mother in Ohio (or was it Iowa?) dying in childbirth because she didn't have insurance. Points like that need to be hammered home again and again. Plus, more pictures of polar bears. Obama should've totally visited Knut when he was in Berlin. KAY: Everybody loves polar bears! MEGAN: Except, apparently, Sarah Palin, oil companies and Stephen Colbert. KAY: Right, well, at least Stephen Colbert's excuse is that he loves nothing more than himself. What's Sarah Palin's excuse? (Man, we love to hate Sarah Palin today.) MEGAN: I believe that would be the Alaskan Permanent Fund. You know, the checks every Alaskan resident receives from the Alaskan government for allowing the oil companies to drill here, drill now? KAY: Someone should really make a youtube video staring Palin with "drill here, drill now, everywhere you gotta drill ..." Maybe will go negative. MEGAN: I'm recommending Fatboy Slim's Right Here, Right Now. KAY: Get to work, Internet minions!

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