Construction Worker Sues Over Miley Cyrus Tongue Injury

The tongue of Miley Cyrus — more famous than the girl it’s attached to these days — has slithered its way into yet another controversy, this time becoming the subject of a fancy new lawsuit…sort of. Construction worker Charles Nicholas Sarris is now suing ShowFx Inc., the equipment company that made several of the sets and props for Cyrus’ Bangerz tour, after he fell and hurt himself during the making of the giant slide shaped like a tongue — a prop that Cyrus uses to get on stage.

Sounds like a fever dream I once had!

According to TMZ:

Sarris says he was hired to assist in the slide construction, and last month, he was badly injured on the job — after the equipment and tools provided to him failed, causing him to fall and hurt himself bad.

Sarris claims ShowFx failed to warn him about the potential dangers involved. He wants unspecified damages.

Miley herself is not responsible for Sarris’ injuries and — rightfully — will not be expected to pony up a dime for the lawsuit. The tongue slide — weathering the legal storm with expected grace and integrity — remains in the tour, working hard and continuing to shock the easily shockable.

To think, eventually we’ll arrive at a time in the future when all these Miley Cyrus tongue stories are but a faded memory of the past.

“Oh, yes,” I’ll tell my grandchildren/the dolls that I call “my grandchildren” from my porch rocking chair. “I remember a time round’bout 2-aught-14 when all we could talk about was that Cyrus girl’s tongue. Strange times those were!”

With that, I’ll close my eyes, feel the breeze one last time and let myself be carried away by the strong and steady hands of death.