Conservative Twitter Shitstorm Erupts Over Obama Web Graphic Named Julia

Illustration for article titled Conservative Twitter Shitstorm Erupts Over Obama Web Graphic Named Julia

Today, the Obama campaign launched some pretty adorable reelection propaganda in The Life of Julia, a web project that highlights the ways that Barack Obama's policies would theoretically benefit a woman throughout her stages in life and how Mitt Romney's proposed policies could leave women out in the cold. Conservative Twitter activists, who have accomplished such monumental human rights victories such as getting conservative pundit Dana Loesch's husband's Twitter account reinstated after he was banned (THANK GOODNESS!), have totally spazzed out.


The Life of Julia is the next phase in the Obama campaign's attempt to convince American women that the President is the Old Spice Guy of politics (up next: Obama's Foot Rubs For Moms Initiative, a $40 million federal program that will create 10,000 jobs for out of work masseuses and give hard-working low-income moms a day off. Foot Rubs for Moms will be funded with a .1% tax increase on each Koch Brother). It's pretty straightforward: Using pretty graphics reminiscent of paper dolls, web users can interact with a tool that allows them to peep what programs Obama would work to preserve and contrast them with programs Romney says he'd cut.

Anyway, the conservative Twitter response has been to troll the hell out of the #Julia hashtag, with responses ranging from earnestly butthurt — "#Julia in the future won't have Social Security or Medicare thanks to Obama," says RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, (or as I like to call him, "Wince Penis") to snarky/comical — "Silly #Julia , you can't accomplish anything without the male-dominated government!" says Dana Loesch to downright hilarious, "I'm a little concerned that Obama is President for all 67+ years of #Julia's life!" Touché, Political Logic.


And, to be fair, not every woman needs all these things (as Michelle Malkin pointed out, MICHELLE MALKIN DID EVERYTHING HERSELF WITH NO HELP AND THEREFORE NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER NEED HELP FROM THE GOVERNMENT), and if you're a fiscal conservative, you believe that fewer regulations and a less firm safety net will light a fire under the asses of American women, prompting them to achieve more and pull themselves up by their exhausted Fallopian tubes. Theoretically.

But swirling tornado of Twitter jokes aside, the "Julia" tool shows how Obama-supported government programs would benefit many women, and it's something the Obama camp hopes women will consider before casting their ballots in November. It's a shame the campaign didn't get totally ballsy with the initiative and point out that conservatives want to make it more difficult for Julia to control how and when she becomes a mother — from contraception to abortion.

Another weakness of the Julia tool is its portrayal of Mitt Romney's views, since they change so frequently that it's impossible to accurately graph what would happen if he were President without use of an advanced algorithm beyond the reach of American mathematicians, thanks to No Child Left Behind.

[The Hill]

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My god, this has such brilliant potential. It could be like a "choose your own adventure" book.

"Julia is in love with Rodney and they want to have sex. In the last chapter you chose to vote for Mitt Romney, so Julia wasn't able to get on the Pill because she couldn't afford it. Julia and Rodney decide to use a condom but it breaks. Julia gets pregnant and tries to go to Planned Parenthood, but it no longer exists! Does Julia A. have the baby and drop out of college or B. have the baby and dump Rodney for a more wealthy man and become the next Ann Romney? You chose B? Well you can't! Trick question! Upstanding conservatives like Mitt Romney don't date slutty mcslutty sluts who have premarital sex! You are forced to choose A! You have dropped out of college. Would you like to A. work 3 jobs and go on Welfare for assistance or B. work 3 jobs without any assistance at all? You chose A? Another trick question! You think Welfare still exists during a Romney presidency?..."

And so on.