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Today we learned anti-abortion advocates are planning to have a fetus "testify" before the Ohio legislature in support of the "Heartbeat Bill."

According to BelleBreezing, the bill doesn't go far enough:

It's really sexist how us womens are hogging all the "protect us from ourselves" laws, men really deserve the same protections. This is why I propose the Protection Of Seminal Life Force Act.

Understanding that anything with a head and tail that is self-propelling is clearly life, combined with semens' ability to evolve into a baby, it is the state's moral imperative to protect seminal life at all costs. To insure no living semen are discharged through masturbation to their death, the state deems any release of semen not directly into a vagina, an illegal act.

Heretofore, all biologically male residents will be subject to random home visits wherein all socks, sheets and shower drains will be tested for seminal fluids. During random tests any unmarried male above the age of 12 must present with testicles appearing blue in color. We understand Blue Balls can be painful and can even limit mens' capability to perform some tasks, but that's mens' burden to bear as ordained by God. (Edit comment)

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As you've probably noticed, we're changing the Comment of the Day format a bit. From now on we'll only be highlighting one comment per day, so that user can claim all the bragging rights. We'd still like you to submit nominations to the Comment of the Day tag page. Just send the outstanding comment's URL and tag your nomination #cotd. (Replying to a comment with "#cotd" does not work.)

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