Comment of the Day: Alice Gets an Abortion, Coming to a Theater Near You

Illustration for article titled Comment of the Day: Alice Gets an Abortion, Coming to a Theater Near You

A crazy-ass Arizona lawmaker wants to make women watch abortions before they're allowed to get one, but why would we do that when we could just show them rachel723's movie instead?


I hereby volunteer to be the woman that they film getting an abortion.

Open scene, I'm wearing a 50 style dress, standing in my kitchen just sliding a roast into my oven. I'm just about to give it an extra dab of butter when I look at the clock and realize the time. "Oh!", I say, putting my gloved hand to my mouth as I take my apron off and put on my hat to walk out the door.
Camera pan as I stroll down the street, happily nodding my head to the neighbors, cordially waving to old Mrs Dabney as she queries "Off to get another abortion, Alice?" while watering her roses. "You betcha!" I reply smilingly. "Oh you wonderful young women today!" she laughs back at me.
Fade in as I enter the doctor's clean homey office. A lovely colored nurse takes my hat and bids me to sit down, and I pick up the latest Good Housekeeping to browse while I wait. My, that Cherry Jello Parfait recipe looks divine!
I stroll back to the doctors office, a kindly, white haired older man who greets me heartily, uses a tongue depressor on me, checks my reflexes with his little hammer, and asks me to lay back. He puts that nice white sheet over my lower half, I relax and enjoy a nice chat with the doctor about how Marge his wife is doing at their summer home while he inserts a nice cool tool inside of me, and I take a few pills he's passed along. I hear a soft whirring sound, and joke "Oh Doctor, if only I were as good at vacuuming as you are, Bob would surely be home more!".
The doctor pops his head up, and I say "Done already?" as he pats me on the head and gives me a lollipop. Grape! My favorite!
I readjust my crinoline and give my punch card to the nurse at the station as I leave, but as I do, she stops me in my tracks with a terrible judgement look!
"I can't believe what you've done", she says, frowning mightily at me. "I saw you cut out that Cherry Parfait recipe from the magazine, how dare you! Now no one else will be able to try it".
Ashamedly, I agree and cleanly tape the recipe back in while the nurse forgivingly lends me a piece of paper and a bic to copy it down. Thank goodness! I almost did something I would have regretted forever today.
Closing shot of me clearing the dishes from our lovely roast dinner later that evening, as I set them in the sink and turn around with dessert - two delicious looking Cherry Parfaits that I hold on a tray and wink broadly at the camera as the scene turns to black.

Yes, I like this movie idea! Stellar concept

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Kat Callahan

Saw it when it was posted. Noticed four people #COTDed it, so I knew it was going to win.

Enjoy your fetus cake.