CockBibs: Keys To Not Getting A Blow Job

Oh god. Washington City Paper introduces us to the CockBib, an adult novelty item worn around a penis, making “cleanup after oral sex a breeze.” Because getting head can be a hassle for men!

The slogans on the CockBibs are so stupid, and the mental image of dangling a piece of cloth off an erect penis is so ridiculous, that it’s impossible to imagine that they could ever be truly utilized, because most women who came face to face with such a thing would either laugh too much to actually suck a dick, or be completely turned off by the dork attached to it.

The creator of the CockBib came up with his invention after being a “victim of another sloppy blow job” and thought to himself, “Damn, I can’t just fall asleep, I need to get up and wash my balls.” It was my understanding that most guys liked having their balls licked and sucked on. It was also my understanding that most men make do with dirty underwear, a sheet corner, or, you know, evaporation, for a hideous problem like damp balls.

But what do I know? Maybe this is something that every man kept a secret from us for centuries up until now. I have to say though that if they’re going to be babies about it, a bib is fitting.