Illustration for article titled Clinton Wants A Job And McCain Wants To Keep His Bromances Alive

With the election over, the terrorist attacks in India in the rearview mirror (at the moment) and appointment speculation slowing, the news is, as Latoya Peterson of Racialicious says, "weird" today. So it's all about what Bill Clinton wants to do for Obama, John McCain's buddy trip, Saxby Chambliss's win, Jeb Bush's potential run and, of course, Super Obama World.


MEGAN: Good morning! It's actually sunny here, which is hurting my eyes this morning.

LATOYA: Yup, it's gonna be a beautiful day!

MEGAN: It would be more beautiful if Saxby Chambliss hadn't be re-elected. I guess this time he was able to get enough of "our folks" out to the polls.


LATOYA: Damn. Well, we can't win them all. The headlines today are weird. Bill Clinton wants a job. Or rather, would accept a job. Did he go to Fill out that long-ass application?

MEGAN: I guess he's bored? Or he's going to have to recuse himself from so much because of Hillary's gig between his speaking engagements and his foundation that he might as well accept an Administration gig. Does the Secretary of State travel with a spouse (when she or he has one)?

LATOYA: No idea. They keep saying they would make him a "superambassador."

MEGAN: Does he get a cape with that?

LATOYA: Did the superdelegates?

MEGAN: They did get miniature American flags! No abortions, though. Not even for some of them.


LATOYA: I guess there's some things even super-whatevers can't do.

MEGAN: Well, apparently, they can't make the Bushes stop coming, and, wow, did that sound grosser after I typed it.


LATOYA: More terrorism watches, I see.

MEGAN: I guess nobody figures on a well-organized attack on one city is the end of it.


LATOYA: I suppose. We'll circle back to terrorism later. Something Jeb said interested me:

Bush said conservatives should “do the math of the new demographics of the United States,” explaining that the Republican Party “can’t be anti-Hispanic, anti-young person, anti many things and be surprised when we don’t win elections.”


Well no fucking duh.

MEGAN: The problem is: what do they plan to be for?

LATOYA: Too bad no one caught on to that this election cycle. They were too busy chasing the "Real Americans".


MEGAN: Yes, I was sure happy to discover that having been born on the East Coast, educated at two American universities at significant personal expense and living in Virginia for nearly a decade, it was all a big lie and I'm actually a fake American. Does that mean I actually get to be Irish? Because, really, my Irish accent imitation is pretty pitiful.

LATOYA: I say you should do it, just for spite. But really — I hope the Republicans get themselves together. Because our governing system depends on having two parties, not camp hater and camp counter-haters.


MEGAN: Let's say it depends on having at least two parties.

LATOYA: Republicans should stand for smaller government, more individual liberties


MEGAN: Well, they stand for that, they just aren't into actually doing anything to achieve that.

LATOYA: They lie. They don't stand for that — yet. Some Republicans do, but their party went somewhere else entirely. The GOP stands for old people, anti-intellectualism, racism, xenophobia, and the formation of a theocracy - as it stands now.


MEGAN: It's one nation UNDER GOD, Latoya, the Founding Fathers, like, totally said so. Republicans just want a big enough government to enforce their religious beliefs on the rest of us.

LATOYA: Yeah, see — no wonder thinking Republicans are adrift. They're like "What the fuck happened? I just want less taxes."


MEGAN: And the libertarians are too busy being crazytown to step up, which is sad.

LATOYA: Wait a min — have you moderated any conversations advocating for a third party vote? I have. Two of them. I'm not planning to have that conversation again for a long time.


MEGAN: Hey, I'm all for a functioning third or fourth party, I just haven't seen one I'd vote for yet.

LATOYA: I'm not touching libertarians. That's another great in theory, failing in practice type deals.


MEGAN: Well, what politics isn't that?

LATOYA: True, true. I guess the main point is not to be too contradictory. Oh whoa — there is a little push to update the pledge of allegiance.


MEGAN: Clearly, that can not be allowed to happen or the godless Communists will be able to claim victory in the Cold War.

LATOYA: Oh, that was the original argument for adding "under God" to the pledge in the first place.

Docherty's contribution to American civil religion came during a sermon he preached at Washington's New York Avenue Presbyterian Church in honor of Lincoln's birthday in 1954, the height of the Second Red Scare. As Post reporter Matt Shudel notes in Sunday's obituary, Docherty, a native of Scotland, argued that the then-godless American pledge could just as easily apply to the communist Soviet Union.

"I could hear little Muscovites recite a similar pledge to their hammer-and-sickle flag with equal solemnity," said Docherty. He suggested adding Lincoln's phrase "under God" from the Gettysburg Address to the pledge. "To omit the words 'Under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance is to omit the definitive character of the American Way of Life."


MEGAN: Yeah, I was actually joking, only sometimes when I joke like that people think it's not a joke because it sounds like something someone would actually say in all earnestness, which is why I think it's funny in the first place.

LATOYA: I know you were joking — but truth is stranger than anything we could dream up in this chat. His whole argument was "if you don't say God, we're going to be communists" - and it worked!


MEGAN: Yes, totally, we're not Communists, so it must have worked! We're sort of, you know, Socialist-y right now what with the government taking shares in private companies and whatever, but let's not tell anyone.

LATOYA: Shhh — that was just a couple experiments in college. No need to tell the rest of the world.


MEGAN: Everyone experiments in college, after all.

LATOYA: Ummhmm. Random topic switch — why is John McCain going to India?"

MEGAN: Um, doesn't Obama keep saying that there's only one President at a time?

LATOYA: With Lieberman, no less. This appears to be part of a larger congressional trip, but uh...I feel like they are cementing this new bromance. Colin must be beside himself.


MEGAN: I love, by the way, that he's there with Lieberman and Lindsay Graham. And it's just the three of them, traveling on the taxpayers dime, seeing the world together. Why won't they just come out and admit that they missed the good old days on the campaign plane, taking turns in the airplane bathroom, snuggled up asleep in a row together?

LATOYA: It's the end of the good ol' days, Megan. They have to mourn. Real America has been taken over by all us fakers.


MEGAN: You know McCain totally hotboxes Lindsay.

LATOYA: Hotboxes?

MEGAN: It is when you fart under the covers and then pull them up around your partner's head so he/she can't escape.


LATOYA: Ewwwwwwww For real though...I would punch someone.

MEGAN: And, yes, I think a good ball punch would be in order if someone tried it on me.


LATOYA: Yuck. And I soooooooooo did not need that mental image of those two. Poor Cindy.

MEGAN: But tell me McCain doesn't seem the type.

LATOYA: McCain does seem like a hotboxer. Jeez. I can't even think about this anymore.


MEGAN: Well, for your mental health, let's go for another awkward segue. How about let's talk about the possibility that Obama might nominate the first openly gay person to a cabinet position?

LATOYA: I'm going to talk about Condi.

MEGAN: Oh, um, well, I mean other than Condi.

LATOYA: Bah. I'll press pause on Condi. I would be thrilled if Obama appointed Maxwell for labor. But, I was just watching those previews for Milk and now I'm jumpy. They are going to have to triple up on Secret Service for this team.


MEGAN: Do you really think that someone would go after Mary Beth Maxwell if she's labor secretary? Do people even bother trying to assassinate Cabinet Members? I was trying to think of one since Seward survived the Lincoln assassination and drew a blank.

LATOYA: Well, considering the "gays are infiltrating your everything!" meme being pushed out, I wouldn't be surprised.


MEGAN: Oh, right, forced conversions, I forgot.

LATOYA: But nothing is finalized yet. Apparently, they have a lot of candidates in play. So many that people are getting confused:

Today, the gay rights group Human Rights Campaign will release a letter to President-elect Barack Obama strongly backing her. The catch: The group last week backed Rep. Linda Sanchez for the post.

“You would have received our letter in support of Representative Sánchez’s candidacy for Secretary of Labor last week,” HRC President Joe Solmonese writes, asking for a mulligan.

“While we remain supportive of Representative Sánchez’s candidacy, it has come to our attention that Mary Beth Maxwell is also being considered for this crucial position. Given Ms. Maxwell’s long history of leadership on labor issues, HRC is pleased to also endorse Mary Beth Maxwell for Secretary of Labor.”


MEGAN: Man, the Human Rights Campaign fucked that one up. Loretta Sánchez has got to be a little annoyed. Plus, not to put too fine a point on it, why the fuck is the HRC endorsing anyone for Labor Secretary? Shouldn't they be focused on things like Prop 8 and the court cases on same sex marriage in Iowa and Florida and getting enough people to vote for the Employee Non Discrimination Act with trans-rights included?

LATOYA: Maybe they're multitasking. And don't get me started on the trans rights thing. I'll be linking for years.


MEGAN: We can link for years. I'm on record that I think it's shitty that the HRC sold trans rights down the river for a House vote.

LATOYA: Sorry Megan, I suck today. I have video games on the brain and I keep clicking over to conversations on Mirror's Edge and racism and video games. Resume tomorrow? I'll bring the goodies - Lorelei says she'll talk to us about national security and Pakistan. Maybe she'll teach us how to decode all these damn terrorist warnings.


MEGAN: If I knew anything about video games, I would say we could talk about it, but I can't even get through level two of Super Obama World. So, yeah, let's talk Pakistan tomorrow instead.

LATOYA: Deal. [sneaks off to play Super Obama World before work]

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