CIA Insect Cyborgs: Yeah, They're Tools Of Big Brother. But Are They As Gross?

Image for article titled CIA Insect Cyborgs: Yeah, They're Tools Of Big Brother. But Are They As Gross?

Last night I was standing on a street corner talking on my phone when a man in patent-leather sneakers came up to me. "Excuse me miss, but something just landed in your hair," he said, at which point I flipped my head violently and hurled my hair upside down while screaming, "For the love of God get out of my motherfucking HAIR motherfucker." "Weird," he said, before bumming a cigarette. "I think it was a dragonfly." Um, that or a miniature spy plane collecting a reconnaissance mission on my scalp! No really, a story in today's Washington Post on dragonfly robots says the Pentagon and the CIA have been developing these things for years now, and the antiwar protesters have seen them, although they could have just been dragonflies; if you've been to those protests you know what I'm talking about. Related: yeah yeah Big Brother suspension of civil liberties etc etc., but is it weird that I thought upon reading this, "hmmm, well, at least the robots are a little less gross than those massive hovering bloody insects.


Seriously, it's like when you see what you think is a mouse, but really it's a dog toy, and you're relieved for a minute but then you have to adjust to the fact that the dog toy is watching you masturbate and whatever. Which brings me to: what useful intelligence can you gather from a bunch of grainy video of some chick waving her hands yelping, "Ew! Get off! Fuck you!!" (And is it more sexist to say that, or that the CIA didn't think of that when they were developing these state-of-the-art intelligence gathering operations?)

Anyway, mostly the government swears it does not have its shit nearly together enough to deploy the robobugs for any actual useful purpose, which would explain what they are doing in my hair, antiwar rallies, etc. But over the next twenty years we bet the robobugs will build a damning case for why Wilmer Valderrama's ex-wife should get lots of alimony.

Dragonfly or Insect Spy? [Washington Post]



I'm moving into a cave. Seriously. Better yet, I'll just start live blogging every moment of my life and sell off my ssn and bodily fluids. Maybe that'll save Big Brother some time, energy and my fucking tax dollars.

This country seriously creeps me out. More and more often as of late.