Christina Aguilera Vagina Watch! Is She Now Boning Benji Madden?

Aguilera and Madden were spotted on a double date with Nicole Richie and her husband last night. There’s no way that this could possibly be anything but true love.

It’s obviously a coincidence that all of this sexual attention Aguilera has been getting of late — from her rumored tryst with Sam Ronson to this speculated romp with one of the most boring men to ever wear makeup — is occurring weeks before her new movie hits theaters. It’s also totally just by a stroke of luck that Madden’s band Good Charlotte just dropped an album.

What happened to the good old days, friends? The good old days, when Hollywood sham relationships ended in good fake Christian marriage and existed to conceal heartbreaking closeted homosexuality? Nowadays, it seems that celebrities are trying to fuck-intrigue their way to relevance, to find the easy way out, to have fake sex all over the place so we pay attention to them. It’s like stars of today don’t even want to put forth the effort to pretend to be married anymore. It’s like fake marriage has completely lost its place in Hollywood. Do they think we’re so stupid that we’ll believe in their fake relationship just because they make the effort to show up to a restaurant at the same time? Commit to your lies, Hollywood, or risk losing me!

I’m so disillusioned.

Christina Aguilera and Benji Madden Might Be Doing It. [I Don’t Like You In That Way]