Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Chris Brown's Dumb Face Injured in Bloody Bar Brawl with Drake

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I mean...maybe. Of course everyone has a different story, and it's nobody's fault, and it's entirely possible that all these liquor bottles were brought to life by a witch and smashed themselves and cut Chris Brown's face up of their own accord (substitutiary locomotion!). BUT. According to rumors, "both Brown and Drake had been hanging out in the VIP section ... when Drake began pointing and yelling at Brown. Brown began yelling back ... and that's when members of both entourages rushed in and began shoving each other. With tensions running high, someone threw a bottle — which set the whole thing off ... and the shoving turned to punches." Now Brown has a gash in his chin, his bodyguard's giant head is spraying blood everywhere, and everyone thinks it's somehow Rihanna-related (because maybe she boned Drake this one time). I would write more words, but I......don't care. Keep yelling at each other, boring rich kids! [TMZ]


Teen Mom's Amber Portwood officially checked herself into an Indiana prison today to begin her five-year sentence for drug possession. Portwood was originally sentenced to drug treatment and probation, but opted for prison instead, fearing she would not be able to complete the program: "Amber said she decided on the prison route because she was depressed in rehab — so depressed she tried to OD on pills." Best of luck to her. [TMZ]


Giancarlo Esposito (aka Gus on Breaking Bad) was stopped and frisked by the NYPD while dudes with guns screamed at him. "After several frantic minutes - with him and officers screaming, and their guns drawn - they realized they had the wrong guy. Then, to add insult to injury, one of the officers recognized him from Once Upon a Time." It's not funny, but still, I mean, bahahahahaahahahaa. Once Upon a Time. The only thing better would be if they'd said they recognized him from Last Holiday with Queen Latifah and Gerard Depardieu. [DailyIntel]


Apparently Kendra Wilkinson said something shitty and shamey about Octomom, and now she feels bad about it: "It's something that doesn't reflect how I really feel. They asked me what I felt about her going into the stripping world and I said she should spend that time to set an example for her kids, but that's not true. What is she going to do? She needs the money. That's the only thing she can do. I hate talking about someone like that, because this person really needs help." Yes. People certainly should never judge other people for using their sexuality to make money. Kendra. Kendra Wilkinson. [HuffPo]

  • Joseph "Joey Lawrence" Lawrence will be stripping with the Chippendales at a Vegas casino through June 24, which is in no way desperate or pathetic. Whoa, etc. [Extra]
  • R. Kelly owes more than $4.8 million in back taxes. "If Kelly believed that thumbing his nose at Uncle Sam would fly, well...he was mistaken," says an E! blogger who came up with that line five years ago and has been praying that R. Kelly would run into tax problems ever since. [E!]
  • Please stop hurting Djimon Hounsou's feelings by suggesting that he and Kimora Lee Simmons are breaking up. THEY HAVE A LOVE THAT IS PURE AND TRUE. [GlobalGrind]
  • Metallica's James Hetfield is determined to track down the person who murdered one of his fans, and has pledged $50,000 toward a reward. [E!]
  • I know Ian Somerhalder is on some newfangled vampire program that the teens are into, but to me he'll always be the 5th hottest dude on Lost. Anyway, he's lobbying hard for the part of Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. More like 50 Shades of...'Kay. AMIRITE!?!? I'm sorry. [E!]
  • For those of you keeping track, here's what Kate Hudson looks like in a bikini today. (Spoiler: like a lady in a bikini.) [E!]
  • Tom Cruise doesn't want any more fucking kids. [E!]
  • Apparently Jork Jellyballs and Minka Kelly secretly dated for like two seconds. But "It was never serious, and it's over now." Oh. Good story, then. [Express]
  • Bristol Palin went on Fox & Friends to alert the nation that Levi Johnston "does not use any of his visitation rights right now" to see their son Tripp. Well, maybe you should talk to him directly instead of relaying your messages THROUGH FUCKING FOX & FRIENDS. [HuffPo]
  • Doctors tell Stephen Fry to lose weight or else he's going to die of acid reflux. [Express]
  • Gross person Kelsey Grammer got married and here is a pic of it. [Radar]
  • Matthew Morrison cut his hair. [Us]
  • Larry Birkhead and Daniellynn went shopping. I feel like things are going to turn out all right for those two. You know? [Radar]
  • Miranda Kerr wore a see-through shirt. [Radar]
  • Jennifer Garner farted today. (I don't have a link, but come on. You know she did.)
  • So.......Lil Kim's face. [Radar]