Chris Brown Super-Fans Say He's 'Too Cute' for Jail

Well, this makes me uncomfy. Chris Brown spent last night locked up on felony assault charges after allegedly punching a dude who “photobombed” him, but at his hearing today the charges were reduced to a misdemeanor and he was released. That news should please some of his young female fans, who’ve been thronging outside the courthouse in support.

Via the Washington Post:

Crowds of media and onlookers gathered for the hearing. Arraignment hearings typically start at 1 p.m. and can run for hours. Visitors began lining up in front of Courtroom C-10 before 12:30 p.m. Onlookers took pictures of the lockup list posted on the wall outside the courtroom, showing his lockup number, the charge and his attorney’s name.

Brown’s mother and brother were stuck in line at one point; they were then escorted into a room.

Jasmine Woods, 22, of Northeast Washington and two of her female friends arrived at courthouse holding up posters that say “Free Chris Brown” in large red letters. “He was just protecting himself. He’s too cute to be in DC Jail.”

0________o

“Too cute for jail.” That is not a thing.

The allegation that Brown was “just protecting himself” may very well be true—I’m certainly not qualified to comment either way from my vantage point—but, um, sometimes people commit crimes. Even people you like. Even cute people.

Not everyone at the courthouse found Brown’s presence so charming, however.

People who were there to support their local friends and family who were also locked up were outraged. “So, we have to wait out here because of Chris Brown?” shouted Veronica Person, who said her sister was arrested on an assault charge over the weekend.

“Damn, this like going to his concert. You gotta have a ticket?” asked David Gross, 34, of Prince George’s County. He said he was trying to get into the courtroom for his brother, who was also arrested over the weekend. Gross was one of about 75 people waiting in line. “I ain’t thinking about Chris Brown. He ain’t bringing no money to any of our houses.”

My feelings on this matter can best be summed up by the lyrics to the song “Blergh” from my original one-woman musical, Blergh. [Clears throat.]