The unlucky rich people living next to millionaire pop singer/domestic abuse enthusiast Chris Brown have taken issue with a series of grinning, fang-toothed red goblin heads that he’s had painted on the curb of his Hollywood Hills home. Apparently, the goblins are scaring all the neighborhood children.
Given Brown’s public history as an abusive, ill-tempered dickbag, you might think that parents would want their kids to steer clear of his house. Hence, the goblin faces (which probably only scare the neighborhood bedwetters anyway) should theoretically be a welcome addition to Brown manor. Not so, says Hollywood Dell Civic Association Prez Patti Negri: “
There are lots of babies, lots of children, and they’re literally frightened. It’s like devils on the wall – big scary eyes and big scary teeth, and just the whole vibe is not what we’re used to.
Los Angeles officials have cited Brown $376 for “unpermitted and excessive signage,” since city ordinances make it fairly illegal to put up murals on private property. Brown’s attorney Mark Geragos, however, has characterized Brown’s complaining neighbors as “busybodies,” and has said in the least hyperbolic way possible that they’re essentially trying to revoke Brown’s First Amendment rights.
While it’s impossible to agree with anyone who invokes First Amendment rights when talking about sidewalk art, it’s equally impossible to agree with neighborhood associations, which really are smelly old clubhouses for the busiest of busybodies in the universe. [AP, LA Times]
- Ahead of Mother’s Day (which is today, YOU’RE WELCOME), Shakira sat down with Ellen and revealed that newborn babies are really tiny purple wrinkle monsters that want to devour all your dreams for the future: “Well, you know delivering a baby is not as idyllic as people make it seem. Don’t expect that he is going to be rosy cheeks, cherub when he is born. Actually when I saw mine, I was like, oh my God. He is purple and wrinkled. What is this?” [HuffPo]
- A company called Lucas Entertainment, which unfortunately is not affiliated at all with George Lucas or Star Wars, has signed Tan Mom up to make a cameo in an episode of its gay porn series Kings of New York. The work requires no nakedness and will pay Tan Mom $1,000 cash. [TMZ]
- Speaking of famous porn moms, Farrah Abraham had words with an American Airlines employee about an oversized carry on. Abraham was eventually forced to check her bag, which she most likely never saw again after it disappeared into the airplane’s mechanical digestive system. [TMZ]
- TMZ later spotted Abraham buying a pregnancy test at a drugstore and made several really gross jokes about anal sex. [TMZ]
- A report about disembodied male jawline Ben Affleck‘s online poker habits has apparently exaggerated the amount of money Affleck lost in a cheating scandal on a site called Ultimate Bet. One of the site’s owners claimed that Affleck lost close to half a million dollars, but the real amount was nowhere near that outrageous. [TMZ]
- Officials in Georgia have decided to marshall state resources in the effort to move Little Richard‘s boyhood home from impending destruction at the hands of a highway construction project. [AP]
- Prince Harry managed to spike a volleyball past the Olympian-quick hands of Misty May-Treanor, and there was much rejoicing. [Telegraph]
- Lindsay Lohan has been warned that if she drops out of her rehab gig at Betty Ford (which she might do in order to not give up her Adderall), she can expect a return trip to jail. [Radar]
- AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! [Buzzfeed]
Image via AP, Donald Traill