They're remaking Carrie. Is this news to you? I guess it shouldn't be — Hollywood is full of dummies making remakes because the world is full of dummies who refuse to see anything new. Why wouldn't they remake something so dear to so many horror loving hearts?
You could argue that the time-tested fanfare surrounding Carrie is derived as much from its cheesy 1970s-ness as it does its story. The dialogue, the costumes, William Katt (whose photo on IMDb, I feel compelled to tell you, is a drawing of a dog). And the bush! Who could forget the magnificent 70s bush in that movie? That bush — occurring in the movie's first 5 minutes — encapsulates the decade as much as Watergate.
Oh, well. Out with the old and in with the new. Taking the ethereal and eerie Sissy Spacek's place as the title role will be none other than Chloe Moretz (of Kick-Ass and Hugo fame). Will she bring it with the same fragile danger that Spacek managed to? Will they leave in the locker room scene in which Carrie gets her period and loses her fucking mind because she thinks she's dying and all the other girls will do is throw tampons and pads at her? It seems unlikely — it's the same gutless Hollywood execs that insist on remaking movies over and over again that will think a scene with a girl bleeding all over herself will be too risky (that is if the blood is coming out of her vagina — anywhere else is totally cool).
I judge too soon. The movie isn't even shooting yet and they do have Kimberly Peirce as director. Peirce has proven herself able to artfully portray both vulnerability and brutality in the past, most famously with Boys Don't Cry. And Moretz has done remakes justice before with Let Me In — she could completely nail it. Who knows? Maybe there will be a menstruating beav gushing blood in every scene. We can dream, friends. Together, we can dream.
For kicks, here's the 1976 trailer. God, is it perfect.
Chloe Moretz is the new Carrie [A.V. Club]
Image via Tullio M. Puglia/Getty Images