Danny Bonaduce compares Paris Hilton to Typhoid Mary: "Everybody she befriends ends up in rehab. Not her!" [NY Post]

In other Paris news, the celebuslut runs to mom Kathy in tears at her birthday party, thanks to antics of frenemy Brandon Davis. [NY Daily News]

Is Cameron Diaz dating Tyrese? Or Djimon Hounsou? No matter: We're just glad she's moved on from guys who pretend they're black to actual blacks. [NY Daily News, 5th item]

Britney Spears' concerned first husband, Jason Alexander, compelled to speak out the pop-tart's heavy drug use; not concerned enough, however, to call an ambulance when she overdosed on Ecstasy. [NY Daily News]