Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson Either Are or Are Not Married

Ever since an adoring public spotted Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson moving their fancy sex bench into a new apartment, one question has kept us up most nights: when are you two gonna get hitched? Well, maybe they already are. Or maybe they just had a fun ceremony celebrating friendship that a lot of famous people attended. Let’s dive in.

On Saturday, the Sun (a source I trust not at all) reported that Delevingne and Benson were wed “earlier this year” by an Elvis impersonator in a Las Vegas chapel. Guests reportedly included Charlize Theron and fellow Vegas nuptial enthusiasts, Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner.

Except that E! News, that bastion of journalistic integrity, blew this story wide open on Sunday morning, reporting that the pair simply had a “friendship ceremony” that was not legally binding, as no Las Vegas marriage license exists for the two.

Last month, Delevingne and Benson flashed what could have been engagement rings in Saint Tropez. But they also could have been friendship rings, given in friendship at the ceremony that wasn’t a wedding. Maybe the sex bench is a reading bench. All we know is that we know nothing. As Benson’s mother cryptically opined on Instagram: “How easy it is for so many of us today to be undoubtedly full of information yet fully deprived of accurate information.”

This message really hits home, as I constantly feel both too full and completely devoid of information regarding the marital status of these two people.