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'Candyland' Is Right Next To 'Crazytown'

Illustration for article titled Candyland Is Right Next To Crazytown

You know how, in movies, teenagers talk to their parents in coded, slang-filled, rapid-fire ways, all while looking furtively around and asking to borrow the car? That is how it feels to watch's CandyCast. The Conde Nast-backed fashion and style site has animated its own executive fashion director, Candy Pratts Price — or, at least, her arms and face — in an attempt to, well, we don't know what. What we do know is that Candy — or, at the very least, her cartoon alter-ego — is crazy like a fox (kind of like this ridiculous handbag!), as evidenced by the 3+ minutes we spent watching her on the site today.


"Look at the fabulous 20s!" Candy demanded straight off. "When Kate wore that very 20s coral gown, you knew you wanted to wear the 20s." She went on. "When you hear black and white, you know exactly what that means! A fantastic new fiber!" There was more. "Little dresses! Collect them! They'll be essential!" A quick pause. "Finally, the things I love!" A slide-show sped by: A big but short coat, the something something halter dress, blah blah blah, Vera's layering, something about Ralph's cap sleeve, a girl like Gisele, something about marble stairs (?!?!), Andy Warhol, pearls, catalogs that say "important jewels," Damien Hirst's diamond skull. At the end, Candy's animated eyebrows bounced strangely and a commercial for Guess? flashed before us. We were left feeling puzzled and exhausted. But then she was back! Arms crossed, waiting! And as we moved the mouse, Candy's eyes followed the cursor. We felt...insane. Or at the very least, in urgent need of a drink. Ugh. Is this why they say Candy's dandy but liquor is quicker?
CandyCast []

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"her face and arms" might be a bit of a stretch.

in every image i have ever seen of Squinty McNoNeck, she looks eerily like a human pug dog.