A wise woman (Janeane Garofalo) once said: "My friend, he had a baby and he said, ‘I get it now. It's the greatest thing that's happened to me and now I realize it's not all about me.' You didn't know that?! You're 42 and you didn't know that it's not all about you?" And in that vein I'd like to direct an eye-roll in the direction of Jay-Z, also 42, after he wrote a poem to his newborn daughter Blue Ivy stating that he'll no longer refer to women as bitches in his song lyrics. Because it was totally fine before, apparently. "Before I got in the game, made a change, and got rich/I didn't think hard about using the word bitch/I rapped, I flipped it, I sold it, I lived it/Now with my daughter in this world I curse those that give it," he writes. "No man will degrade her, or call her name. I'm so focused on your future, the degradation has passed. I wish you wealth, health and insight. Forever young you may pass. Blue Ivy Carter, my angel". While positive change is great and all it's still a few hundred shades of irritating that he wasn't smart enough to realize this before he had a child. So excuse me if I withhold my slow clap. [NME] Update: There's some skepticism as to the authenticity of the poem. We'll see.
Throwing a little shade Beyoncé's way, she's copping flack for appearing a little whiter than she is in a promo shot for her new album. [NYDN]
If you want to know how they came up with the name Blue Ivy, well, here it is. [YouTube]
Grab your heart medicine because Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner have ended their two-year relationship. While I'd admit that I forgot they were even going out it's an even bigger surprise that they lasted two whole years. I, like many of us, assumed he'd give her an STD within three months and it'd be done. So congrats and my condolences all at once. Why did they split you ask? Oh, something along the lines of she wanted to get married again and he wasn't so keen on the idea. [NYDN]
If this is true then it's pretty fucked up: Diddy got a little Sleeping With The Enemy with rumoured girlfriend Cameron Diaz after he saw her speaking to some guy at a Golden Globes after-party. Seeing them across the room, Diddy walked up and demanded they leave and she immediately got up. When three guys approached her asking to have their picture taken he pulled her by the hand into a waiting car. "I've never seen him so controlling," said an onlooker, who added that she "seemed to like the manly power thing." Again, if true, this gives me a major case of the sads. [NYDN]
If you want to wash that nastiness above out of your brain and fill it with nastiness of a different kind, set your eyes to stun and take a gander at these screen grabs of a naked Michael Fassbender from Shame. And yeah, it's pretty NSFW, unless swinging dick is okay in your office. The best thing, there is video for when you get home from work. Thanks, anonymous perve! [OMG]
Keeping the good times rolling, Sharon Osbourne says that she and Ozzy are still knockin' boots on a regular basis. "We make love all the time," she said."We used to do it five times a week. I take breaks from my chat show to have sex." And while the idea of sex with Ozzy isn't particularly appealing, it's kind of inspiring that they're still going at it after a few centuries of marriage. Speaking of aging rockers, I heard this joke the other night: What's the worse thing to hear when you're blowing Willie Nelson? I'm not Willie Nelson. [London Net]
- She's young so we can cut her some slack, but Emma Roberts was seen making a play for Jared Leto at a Globes party even though she could do a lot better. [Page Six]
- Ashton Kutcher flexes his muscles over some person who hacked his beloved Twitter account because he has nothing else better to do. [E!]
- Poor ol' Lindsay Lohan, first she was set to soil Elizabeth Taylor's memory by playing her on Lifetime but now Megan Fox looks like she might have beaten her to the punch. [E!]
- If you're curious to see who agreed to marry Jesse Metcalfe then please click here. [E!]
- Groundbreaking performance artist Courtney Stodden goes for a run in Lucite heels. God bless. [E!]
- More on the artistry of Courtney: her Twitter updates have always been poetry and now they're spoken word. [OMG]
- Kathy Hilton says that Kim Richards is doing okay post-rehab despite being surrounded by a horrible, vapid family. [US]
- Nicole Kidman says people who don't drink are boring – herself included. [US]
- Real Housewives Of New York "star" Cindy Barshop says the merkin business is booming – which I'm only linking to so you can see how atrocious they are. [TMZ]
- Matt LeBlanc is angling for a Friends reunion so he can get a little more green in his pockets. [TMZ]
- Friends of Taylor Armstrong are trying to ruin the dreams of opportunistic Bravo executives by saying she needs to go to rehab because she's drinking too much. [Radar]
- Rather than the usual three-day coke and champagne binge-a-rama, Kate Moss celebrated her 38th birthday with a quiet dinner. [Mirror]
- Ryan Murphy stoked the flames when he wouldn't confirm whether or not the amazing Jessica Lange would be returning for season two of American Horror Story. [Ministry Of Gossip]
- Carey Mulligan is excited to be able to tell old drama teachers who said she'd amount to nothing to suck it. As well she should be. [Express]
- The new teaser poster for Mad Men is a little dark. [Copyranter]
- Karl Lagerfeld has an adorable kitten. It's unknown at this stage whether he's going to drain it's blood to harness its youthful properties. [Fashionista]